Excitement! Terror! Confusion!
In the past day and a half I've been handed a whole bunch of stuff to do. Most of it formatting, not much of it requiring huge amounts of thought. It's stuff I like to do, but not stuff that challenges me. The challenge comes in when I have to juggle multiple deadlines and multiple managers with entirely different ideas of what my priorities should be. The joys of assisting a department rather than a person...
Anywho, just now I've been handed another project. It will only require about 2 hours of my time a week, so it's not huge in terms of fitting it in with what I'm already doing. The intimidating part is that it's important! It's not just formatting a resume or report for someone, or making sure that they have food and room for a meeting. No! I am now responsible for updating the spreadsheet that tells everyone what the status of the projects one of the departments is working on. This is a job that usually falls to a Project Coordinator, and yet me! The lowly Admin Assistant has been given this. I get to talk to the manager in charge of the practice, and go from there. It's mine to run with; I own it.
Gah!
I know that I can do this. In fact, one of the things that's had me dissatisfied in this job is the lack of responsibility I have. So on the one hand, I'm very excited about this. On the other hand I'm terrified because the scope of most of my projects is much, much less than this. Like ordering business cards for people. So I'm also terrified, because I've been doing stuff that a potted plant could do for most of the past year and my running-things skills are out of practice. I'm also confused. I've been looking for a new job. I'm very, very tired of driving for 3 hours a day, and this job has been getting to the point where it's just not worth it anymore. But. What if this is the start of something? What happens if I decide I *like* my job? Oy.
Deep down I know those are rhetorical questions. I doubt that I will ever love what I do here enough for it to be worth the drive, and the exhaustion, disconnection and lack of personal time that goes along with it. Still, I'm hoping that I'll stop dreading getting up in the morning while I look for something else.
On a completely random and unrelated note, I use exclamation marks in my titles. A lot!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Pickles and knitting
Today is a better day. Thank you to everyone who gave me support and hugs and advice. I've been trying to go to bed earlier and I've been playing my Valentine's Day gift (Green Day's Bullet in a Bible live CD) in the car pretty much non-stop because it's hard to be sleepy when you're resisting the urge to headbang. Which, like sleeping, isn't a really good thing to do while you're driving.
Today I went out at lunchtime. My friend L. and I went to Chapters then to Subway. I picked up the second SnB knitting book, the SnB Project Journal and the new O magazine. I can't wait to get home and figure out new knitting stuff to do. Last weeked I knitted so much that I got a bump on one of my fingers. I just love this knitting stuff.
At Subway I got a footlong chickenbaconranch sub, and I got pickles on it.
So today's betterness is brought to you (and me!) by pickles and knitting.
Today I went out at lunchtime. My friend L. and I went to Chapters then to Subway. I picked up the second SnB knitting book, the SnB Project Journal and the new O magazine. I can't wait to get home and figure out new knitting stuff to do. Last weeked I knitted so much that I got a bump on one of my fingers. I just love this knitting stuff.
At Subway I got a footlong chickenbaconranch sub, and I got pickles on it.
So today's betterness is brought to you (and me!) by pickles and knitting.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Sick, tired, frustrated.
Warning: there's gonna be some self-pity. I've been torn about making complainy posts here because I know people who are much sicker, much more tired and likely much more frustrated than I am. I am reminded, though, that my world is mine and other people's worlds are theirs. In my world I'm sick, tired and frustrated.
Almost two weeks ago the roommate caught a cold. She was working at a conference for a couple of days and stayed in the city. On the Friday of that week, instead of staying home and getting better, she elected to come to the office which meant a grand total of 3 hours spent trapped in a car with me (this was how she once described our daily commute. Yes, I'm having a hard time letting go of that one.) Last Monday I came down with the cold: sore throat, headache, chills, fever, etc. I spent two days at home (until the fever went away) and have been steadily getting better since. Except for the coughing. It's not bad during the day as long as I keep up a steady supply of water and don't let my throat dry out. Nighttime is another story. I cough if I lay down too flat, I cough if I don't lay down flat enough, I cough if I get too warm, I cough if I get too cold. I've been through 3 different cough remedies, and I'm still waking myself up coughing at 2 am.
This brings me to #2, tired. I. Am. Exhausted. This morning I was fighting sleep while driving the 401. Biting my tongue to shock myself into alertness, that sort of thing. Highly dangerous. Not the first time either. I don't know what to do about it. The roommate doesn't drive, and usually falls asleep herself. Even if she doesn't, there's little to no conversation so it's not like I get any stimulation from that area. I do listen to the radio, and change to cd sometimes, loud stuff like Blink-182 and Green Day. I have a coffee with me every morning. I have tried going to bed earlier at night, but at some point I need time to have life and getting home at 7 or 7:30 at night doesn't leave much time for relaxing. Last night there was laundry to do, dinner to make and clean up from and lunches to make. Fred does help me since he knows how tired I am, so it's not like I'm doing it all alone. Still. In order to get anything at all done on an average night (never mind one on which I want to go to the gym) I rarely sit down to relax before 10. Which, when I get up at 5:30 in the morning is technically past by bedtime. I'm burning out.
Which brings me to #3: frustration. I feel stuck. I don't have time to do things I really want to do. I'm looking for a new job close to home, which would certainly help with the situation, but I can't take a job just to take a job closer to home. I had an interview at a place in Kitchener, but I turned down a second interview because while it was only a 1/2 hour drive from home, it was a large pay cut, a contract with no guarantee of a job at the end of 10 months, and what promised to be pretty boring work. I've spent every day since I turned down the second interview wondering if I made a mistake, but I don't want to take a job just for the sake of getting a job. I want to do something that I won't hate; I don't have to be in love with it, I just don't want to hate it. I'm not challenged at work right now and as a result of that (plus the exhaustion) I've started to make mistakes. I don't like making mistakes. I get upset and embarrassed. Then it flows into my personal life and I make mistakes there, and I get more upset and more embarrassed. While I was trying in vain to fall asleep last night I relived over and over again the embarrassment I felt when I mis-read an email from a member of a group I sing with, and sent an answer out to a whole bunch of people, which showed I obviously didn't read the first email very carefully, and I felt like a numpty.
Another part of feeling stuck is that I'm waiting. Waiting to get my house back, waiting for everyone to be ready to move on to the next part of our lives, waiting for there to be enough time, enough space, enough money. Waiting. I'm taking control of the things that I can (going to the gym, job searching, stuff like that). Some of the waiting will be done soon (about 2 months at this point). Some of it (like the money part) likely never will be, since really, how much money is enough?
I'm all over the map, here, I know. This is a peek inside my brain these days, and it distresses me because it's not what I'm usually like. *sigh* If anyone's looking for me, I'll be napping under my desk.
Almost two weeks ago the roommate caught a cold. She was working at a conference for a couple of days and stayed in the city. On the Friday of that week, instead of staying home and getting better, she elected to come to the office which meant a grand total of 3 hours spent trapped in a car with me (this was how she once described our daily commute. Yes, I'm having a hard time letting go of that one.) Last Monday I came down with the cold: sore throat, headache, chills, fever, etc. I spent two days at home (until the fever went away) and have been steadily getting better since. Except for the coughing. It's not bad during the day as long as I keep up a steady supply of water and don't let my throat dry out. Nighttime is another story. I cough if I lay down too flat, I cough if I don't lay down flat enough, I cough if I get too warm, I cough if I get too cold. I've been through 3 different cough remedies, and I'm still waking myself up coughing at 2 am.
This brings me to #2, tired. I. Am. Exhausted. This morning I was fighting sleep while driving the 401. Biting my tongue to shock myself into alertness, that sort of thing. Highly dangerous. Not the first time either. I don't know what to do about it. The roommate doesn't drive, and usually falls asleep herself. Even if she doesn't, there's little to no conversation so it's not like I get any stimulation from that area. I do listen to the radio, and change to cd sometimes, loud stuff like Blink-182 and Green Day. I have a coffee with me every morning. I have tried going to bed earlier at night, but at some point I need time to have life and getting home at 7 or 7:30 at night doesn't leave much time for relaxing. Last night there was laundry to do, dinner to make and clean up from and lunches to make. Fred does help me since he knows how tired I am, so it's not like I'm doing it all alone. Still. In order to get anything at all done on an average night (never mind one on which I want to go to the gym) I rarely sit down to relax before 10. Which, when I get up at 5:30 in the morning is technically past by bedtime. I'm burning out.
Which brings me to #3: frustration. I feel stuck. I don't have time to do things I really want to do. I'm looking for a new job close to home, which would certainly help with the situation, but I can't take a job just to take a job closer to home. I had an interview at a place in Kitchener, but I turned down a second interview because while it was only a 1/2 hour drive from home, it was a large pay cut, a contract with no guarantee of a job at the end of 10 months, and what promised to be pretty boring work. I've spent every day since I turned down the second interview wondering if I made a mistake, but I don't want to take a job just for the sake of getting a job. I want to do something that I won't hate; I don't have to be in love with it, I just don't want to hate it. I'm not challenged at work right now and as a result of that (plus the exhaustion) I've started to make mistakes. I don't like making mistakes. I get upset and embarrassed. Then it flows into my personal life and I make mistakes there, and I get more upset and more embarrassed. While I was trying in vain to fall asleep last night I relived over and over again the embarrassment I felt when I mis-read an email from a member of a group I sing with, and sent an answer out to a whole bunch of people, which showed I obviously didn't read the first email very carefully, and I felt like a numpty.
Another part of feeling stuck is that I'm waiting. Waiting to get my house back, waiting for everyone to be ready to move on to the next part of our lives, waiting for there to be enough time, enough space, enough money. Waiting. I'm taking control of the things that I can (going to the gym, job searching, stuff like that). Some of the waiting will be done soon (about 2 months at this point). Some of it (like the money part) likely never will be, since really, how much money is enough?
I'm all over the map, here, I know. This is a peek inside my brain these days, and it distresses me because it's not what I'm usually like. *sigh* If anyone's looking for me, I'll be napping under my desk.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Remembering isn't just for November
As I was driving in to work this morning I heard on the news that another Canadian soldier was killed in Afghanistan this morning.
It made me think of one of my friends who is currently serving in the Canadian armed forces. He's in Canada right now, but has been told that he can expect to be deployed in the Spring.
When I got to work this morning I had an email from that friend that had this tribute link in it. Warning, it made me cry. Then again, I'm a giant mushball at the best of times. Still, the fact that another name has been added to the list of our fallen soldiers is a sad thing.
I know that the numbers of dead U.S. soldiers is far, far higher, and that the civilian deaths in the Middle East are also off the charts. I guess it's just that this feels so much closer to home for me, and is certainly closer to my heart.
It made me think of one of my friends who is currently serving in the Canadian armed forces. He's in Canada right now, but has been told that he can expect to be deployed in the Spring.
When I got to work this morning I had an email from that friend that had this tribute link in it. Warning, it made me cry. Then again, I'm a giant mushball at the best of times. Still, the fact that another name has been added to the list of our fallen soldiers is a sad thing.
I know that the numbers of dead U.S. soldiers is far, far higher, and that the civilian deaths in the Middle East are also off the charts. I guess it's just that this feels so much closer to home for me, and is certainly closer to my heart.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Ninja Name Generators
For Ryan!
And thanks to Kim. [thumbs up]
From Ninjaburger: Hansuke Hidari -san
From rumandmonkey.com:
And for lots of other Ninja info (be aware that it makes noise as soon as it opens): RealUltimatePower
I'd still rather be a Pirate. Yar.
And thanks to Kim. [thumbs up]
From Ninjaburger: Hansuke Hidari -san
From rumandmonkey.com:
My Secret Ninja Name is Transexual the Retarted Ninja.
Take The Secret Ninja Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
And for lots of other Ninja info (be aware that it makes noise as soon as it opens): RealUltimatePower
I'd still rather be a Pirate. Yar.
Stuck!
Ever been in one of those positions where you have too much you want to say?
There are about a bazillion things I want to write about but they're all kinda half formed and incoherent. It's even affecting my ability to coherently comment on other people's blogs, beyond cute one-linery type things.
I need unsticking.
There are about a bazillion things I want to write about but they're all kinda half formed and incoherent. It's even affecting my ability to coherently comment on other people's blogs, beyond cute one-linery type things.
I need unsticking.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Gar, mateys!
My pirate name is:
Mad Anne Bonney
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You can be a little bit unpredictable, but a pirate's life is far from full of certainties, so that fits in pretty well. Arr!
Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Breakthrough!
Conversation at my house just before I had to dash off to Ioga Friday night:
Her: I'm really glad that you're excited about the singing.
Me: Yeah, I need this kind of stuff to keep me going.
Her: I mean I'm really glad that you're excited about it.
Me: *quizzical look* Okay...
Her: *wells up* We're going to be able to fix us, right?
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I'm just so happy that she has acknowledged that there is a problem with our friendship. I told her that I miss her and I miss us and that I am perfectly willing to work on fixing us. I did say that it may still be difficult with us spending so much of our lives together, and she agreed.
On Sunday I got her a little something while grocery shopping, and it made her very happy. She came and hugged me and we had an actual conversation.
I know that this will never be exactly the friendship it used to be. I can't completely trust her for one thing. For another thing, I've changed. I'm not the same person I was for most of our friendship. I don't think she is either. So we'll see. I'm just pleased that I am no longer alone in knowing that there is something wrong.
Her: I'm really glad that you're excited about the singing.
Me: Yeah, I need this kind of stuff to keep me going.
Her: I mean I'm really glad that you're excited about it.
Me: *quizzical look* Okay...
Her: *wells up* We're going to be able to fix us, right?
You could have knocked me over with a feather. I'm just so happy that she has acknowledged that there is a problem with our friendship. I told her that I miss her and I miss us and that I am perfectly willing to work on fixing us. I did say that it may still be difficult with us spending so much of our lives together, and she agreed.
On Sunday I got her a little something while grocery shopping, and it made her very happy. She came and hugged me and we had an actual conversation.
I know that this will never be exactly the friendship it used to be. I can't completely trust her for one thing. For another thing, I've changed. I'm not the same person I was for most of our friendship. I don't think she is either. So we'll see. I'm just pleased that I am no longer alone in knowing that there is something wrong.
I got tagged!
Tagged by gomalley of The Pirate's Pen! Whee!
Five jobs I have had in my life:
1. Retail
2. Fast Food Worker
3. Waitress
4. Actor
5. Secretary
Five movies I would (and do) watch over and over again (in no particular order):
1. Ever After
2. A Knight's Tale
3. The Princess Bride
4. Boondock Saints
5. Dodgeball
Five places I have lived:
1. London, ON
2. Milton, ON
3. Windsor, ON
4. Toronto, ON
5. Guelph, ON
Five TV shows I love to watch:
1. Buffy
2. Angel
3. Firefly
4. All the CSI shows
5. Wedding shows
Five places I have been on vacation:
1. France (high school French exchange)
2. Canada East (as far as Cape Breton)and West (as far as Banff)
3. Disneyworld
4. Las Vegas
5. Maryland
Five websites I visit daily:
1. The forums at Buffyguide.com
2. Craftster.org
3. Various LJ and blogs
4. Work related websites
5. cuteoverload.com
Five of my favourite foods:
1. milk
2. cheese
3. chocolate
4. peanut butter
5. bread
Five places I’d rather be right now:
1. At home.
2. Visiting friends.
3. Driving down the west coast of Canada/US.
4. Taking a cruise to Antarctica.
5. ORF, summer of '04
Five songs you like but are embarrassed to admit:
1. Anything by the Backstreet Boys. I own their last 3 cds. But I'm not really embarrased by it, and I can't think of anything else.
2.
3.
4.
5.
I tag Helen, Jenn, Curly Girl and Meghan!
Five jobs I have had in my life:
1. Retail
2. Fast Food Worker
3. Waitress
4. Actor
5. Secretary
Five movies I would (and do) watch over and over again (in no particular order):
1. Ever After
2. A Knight's Tale
3. The Princess Bride
4. Boondock Saints
5. Dodgeball
Five places I have lived:
1. London, ON
2. Milton, ON
3. Windsor, ON
4. Toronto, ON
5. Guelph, ON
Five TV shows I love to watch:
1. Buffy
2. Angel
3. Firefly
4. All the CSI shows
5. Wedding shows
Five places I have been on vacation:
1. France (high school French exchange)
2. Canada East (as far as Cape Breton)and West (as far as Banff)
3. Disneyworld
4. Las Vegas
5. Maryland
Five websites I visit daily:
1. The forums at Buffyguide.com
2. Craftster.org
3. Various LJ and blogs
4. Work related websites
5. cuteoverload.com
Five of my favourite foods:
1. milk
2. cheese
3. chocolate
4. peanut butter
5. bread
Five places I’d rather be right now:
1. At home.
2. Visiting friends.
3. Driving down the west coast of Canada/US.
4. Taking a cruise to Antarctica.
5. ORF, summer of '04
Five songs you like but are embarrassed to admit:
1. Anything by the Backstreet Boys. I own their last 3 cds. But I'm not really embarrased by it, and I can't think of anything else.
2.
3.
4.
5.
I tag Helen, Jenn, Curly Girl and Meghan!
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
New Stuff!
Added my noirbettie award (squee!) and re-added a weight-loss ticker majiggy down there at the bottom.
I've finished the scarf (it's amazing what 3 days at home sick can get you done when you only have just enough energy to sit up in bed and knit). It will be modelled for photo purposes (by me when I'm not looking quite so warmed-over) then given to the wee girl for whom it is intended. Now I'm having a little conversation with myself about all of the cross-stitch projects I have to finish before I can start stocking up on knitting stuff. I think I'm officially addicted.
Right now I'm working on the ritual for Imbolc (also known as Candlemas and Groundhog Day [wink]) for this weekend. Instead of doing a craft as we usually do, we're sharing poetry (either our own or something that speaks to us). It's the first time I've been the lead on a ritual. I'm pretty darn excited, let me tell you.
I've finished the scarf (it's amazing what 3 days at home sick can get you done when you only have just enough energy to sit up in bed and knit). It will be modelled for photo purposes (by me when I'm not looking quite so warmed-over) then given to the wee girl for whom it is intended. Now I'm having a little conversation with myself about all of the cross-stitch projects I have to finish before I can start stocking up on knitting stuff. I think I'm officially addicted.
Right now I'm working on the ritual for Imbolc (also known as Candlemas and Groundhog Day [wink]) for this weekend. Instead of doing a craft as we usually do, we're sharing poetry (either our own or something that speaks to us). It's the first time I've been the lead on a ritual. I'm pretty darn excited, let me tell you.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Gettin' Knitty With It
I did it! After 32 years and many attempts to learn, I have finally figured out this knitting thing. I was inspired by bettie and Fuchsia, the neat projects over at craftster.org and my desire to make the really, really cool things in Debbie Stoller's Stitch 'n Bitch books. Plus, people I know keep getting pregnant, which makes me want to knit things for them. I asked for the first Stoller book for my birthday (back in October) and didn't get it. I put it on my Christmas list, and didn't get it. So I went and bought the sucker, borrowed some needles and yarn from a friend and went to town.
I've been a crafter for years. My first solo projects included dresses sewn for my dolls and coasters stitched on that plastic canvas stuff, somewhere around the age of 8. Before that I'd been making Christmas ornaments and Mrs. Tiggywinkles and helping my mom card, dye and spin her wool for years. I also wove myself a scarf in there somewhere, on a floor-loom, no less. As a teenager I progressed onto cross-stitch and have amassed hundreds of patterns since then, and have a good ten projects on the go at any one time.
Knitting always eluded me. Three female relatives tried to teach me. Friends sat me down with needles and yarn. I just found it to be too frustrating, so inevitably I'd give up on it. I don't know what twigged this time, whether it was (like bettie) jealousy that friends could do something I couldn't which made me stubborn enough this time around; or whether it was the way Stoller writes her book with not just clear but also fun instructions; or whether it's because there are tiny babies arriving in the world soon, and I feel the need to help keep them warm and snuggy. Or maybe the universe just decided that it's my time. Whatever it is, I'm addicted.
And now I'm gonna show off!
First swatch in garter stitch! I had to pull it all out about 3 times before I wound up with this.
First swatch in stockinette.
First attempt to change colours.
First project! It's the Windy City (tm) scarf from the first Stitch 'n Bitch book, but I decided to change the colour more than once. It looks like the width is less than the picture in the book, but that's just fine because it's for my friend's 3-year old daughter and she has a little neck, being three and all. [grin]
I'm very, very proud of me!
I've been a crafter for years. My first solo projects included dresses sewn for my dolls and coasters stitched on that plastic canvas stuff, somewhere around the age of 8. Before that I'd been making Christmas ornaments and Mrs. Tiggywinkles and helping my mom card, dye and spin her wool for years. I also wove myself a scarf in there somewhere, on a floor-loom, no less. As a teenager I progressed onto cross-stitch and have amassed hundreds of patterns since then, and have a good ten projects on the go at any one time.
Knitting always eluded me. Three female relatives tried to teach me. Friends sat me down with needles and yarn. I just found it to be too frustrating, so inevitably I'd give up on it. I don't know what twigged this time, whether it was (like bettie) jealousy that friends could do something I couldn't which made me stubborn enough this time around; or whether it was the way Stoller writes her book with not just clear but also fun instructions; or whether it's because there are tiny babies arriving in the world soon, and I feel the need to help keep them warm and snuggy. Or maybe the universe just decided that it's my time. Whatever it is, I'm addicted.
And now I'm gonna show off!
First swatch in garter stitch! I had to pull it all out about 3 times before I wound up with this.
First swatch in stockinette.
First attempt to change colours.
First project! It's the Windy City (tm) scarf from the first Stitch 'n Bitch book, but I decided to change the colour more than once. It looks like the width is less than the picture in the book, but that's just fine because it's for my friend's 3-year old daughter and she has a little neck, being three and all. [grin]
I'm very, very proud of me!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Why do we do that?
Women, I mean. We devalue ourselves. I have a whole whack of awesome, intelligent, beautiful, amazing women that I count among my friends. Each one of them is unique and wonderful. And yet, we all downplay our good qualities. At the solstice gathering for my circle we each talked about how we had grown and what we had learned in the past year. Each of us has done some fantastic things and we were all able to say "Yay me!" about something. Then each of us said "But..." Yes, it is a good thing to continue to grow and change; to recognize that we're never really "done" and that we all have challenges to face and things that we would like to improve about ourselves, and I recognize this.
I just wonder why it is that we can't ever just say "Yay!" without adding the "But...".
I just wonder why it is that we can't ever just say "Yay!" without adding the "But...".
Monday, January 09, 2006
IKEA, knitting, emotional release and an invitation
What a weekend!
Spent Friday night doing a whole lot of nothing, which was very nice for a change. Fred wasn't feeling well so he'd stayed home from work. We went to bed and snuggled while we watched a movie, and it was fantastic.
Saturday we spend a whole bunch of money that we really couldn't afford to part with. We started at IKEA. Went in to get a small storage chest, came out with the chest, a camoflouge computer chair (3 guesses who wanted that [grin] ), a bedside lamp, an overhead LED decorative majiggy (can't call it a light, since it doesn't give off enough of the stuff), an orange towel, a black wastebasket, a drying rack and fun clothes pins, and an orange kitchen brush with a suction cup on the bottom of it. Fred and I really shouldn't be allowed to go shopping together. We also priced stuff that we will need to get to replace furniture that will be going with Amanda when she moves out. We so need to start saving.
After IKEA we went to the mall to use up the last of the Christmas gift certificates and discount coupons. I picked up Stitch 'n Bitch by Debbie Stoller and I am excited beyond belief. I'm reading the book through first then next pay I'll be picking up some yarn and needles and tackling the task of learning to knit. Very, very excited! I've already got a mental list of who I can knit stuff for. I feel an obsession coming on!
Sunday morning I got up bright and early and went to my new gym for my first aerobics class. It was something called Basic No-Bounce, so you get a good cardio workout, but it's pretty easy on the knees. There I was in my brand new workout clothes (black pants, that I need to shorten, and bright orange top) bopping away to cheesy 80's remixed music. I lost the tempo, and had to stop using my arms because at points it just got too hard for me; I got out of breath and red faced; I wound up facing the wrong direction more than once. Through it all I had a giant grin plastered across my face. It was so much fun!!!! Then, just as we were finishing up the final combination, about 18 minutes into the cardio section I felt like crying. Not sad crying you understand, or crying because I looked like a great, flabby, orange numpty. Crying because I felt so good. Crying because I haven't had a moment that happy, just for me (i.e. completely independent of any of the people in my life), in what feels like forever. I can't wait to go back.
Sunday afternoon found us in the Big Smoke playing our monthly
Buffy-based RPG at our friends' house...where I was asked to be a groomsman in their wedding this October! More welling-up, lots of hugging and discussions about whether or not I really want to go to a stag party and watch women take their clothing off. I am so touched and excited that I've been asked to share in their wedding this way (I was already asked to sing, so this is an added bonus). Also, I get to wear a kilt. Whee!
Spent Friday night doing a whole lot of nothing, which was very nice for a change. Fred wasn't feeling well so he'd stayed home from work. We went to bed and snuggled while we watched a movie, and it was fantastic.
Saturday we spend a whole bunch of money that we really couldn't afford to part with. We started at IKEA. Went in to get a small storage chest, came out with the chest, a camoflouge computer chair (3 guesses who wanted that [grin] ), a bedside lamp, an overhead LED decorative majiggy (can't call it a light, since it doesn't give off enough of the stuff), an orange towel, a black wastebasket, a drying rack and fun clothes pins, and an orange kitchen brush with a suction cup on the bottom of it. Fred and I really shouldn't be allowed to go shopping together. We also priced stuff that we will need to get to replace furniture that will be going with Amanda when she moves out. We so need to start saving.
After IKEA we went to the mall to use up the last of the Christmas gift certificates and discount coupons. I picked up Stitch 'n Bitch by Debbie Stoller and I am excited beyond belief. I'm reading the book through first then next pay I'll be picking up some yarn and needles and tackling the task of learning to knit. Very, very excited! I've already got a mental list of who I can knit stuff for. I feel an obsession coming on!
Sunday morning I got up bright and early and went to my new gym for my first aerobics class. It was something called Basic No-Bounce, so you get a good cardio workout, but it's pretty easy on the knees. There I was in my brand new workout clothes (black pants, that I need to shorten, and bright orange top) bopping away to cheesy 80's remixed music. I lost the tempo, and had to stop using my arms because at points it just got too hard for me; I got out of breath and red faced; I wound up facing the wrong direction more than once. Through it all I had a giant grin plastered across my face. It was so much fun!!!! Then, just as we were finishing up the final combination, about 18 minutes into the cardio section I felt like crying. Not sad crying you understand, or crying because I looked like a great, flabby, orange numpty. Crying because I felt so good. Crying because I haven't had a moment that happy, just for me (i.e. completely independent of any of the people in my life), in what feels like forever. I can't wait to go back.
Sunday afternoon found us in the Big Smoke playing our monthly
Buffy-based RPG at our friends' house...where I was asked to be a groomsman in their wedding this October! More welling-up, lots of hugging and discussions about whether or not I really want to go to a stag party and watch women take their clothing off. I am so touched and excited that I've been asked to share in their wedding this way (I was already asked to sing, so this is an added bonus). Also, I get to wear a kilt. Whee!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Unresolved
I have never been one to keep a New Year's Resolution, and I see no reason to start now. That said, there are some things I'd like to do in the coming year.
1. Get healthier physically. I've quit smoking, which is a great first step. I started South Beach last year, but found that to be too much of a change right then. I'm going to give another look at it this year, once I have more control over my kitchen. I've also got an appointment to check out a gym tomorrow night, and went today and bought workout clothes that aren't from the early 90's. I'm FIRMASSing it over at the WD and attempting to be mindful about what I put in my body. So yeah, one goal started.
2. Get healthier emotionally. The past few months have been exhausting for me emotionally speaking. I'm tired of it. I've been working on my spiritual health with my circle and by myself, and that's been a help but I'm still spending far more time than I want to complaining about my life and wallowing in negativity. It's a very difficult thing that I hope will get better once May rolls around and Fred and I have our home to ourselves again. In the meantime, I am working on having more time to myself, and doing some self exploration. I've got a good handle on who I am now, it's time to work on the parts of me I don't like a whole lot.
3. Cultivate patience. There are good reasons why my life isn't going at the pace I want it to. I know this from past experience. I just need to keep reminding myself of it.
4. Have fun! Not to say that I don't already. It's just something I'd like to keep on doing.
On the whole things are really good. I have all my basic necessities taken care of and a whole lot of extras. I have my health and the health of my family. I have lots of wonderful people who give me love and support. Parts of 2005 were difficult, but more because of what was going on around me, and happening to people I care about than because of anything happening directly to me.
My wish for 2006 is that everyone I know, and everyone I don't have a healthy and happy year that is leaps and bounds above the last one.
1. Get healthier physically. I've quit smoking, which is a great first step. I started South Beach last year, but found that to be too much of a change right then. I'm going to give another look at it this year, once I have more control over my kitchen. I've also got an appointment to check out a gym tomorrow night, and went today and bought workout clothes that aren't from the early 90's. I'm FIRMASSing it over at the WD and attempting to be mindful about what I put in my body. So yeah, one goal started.
2. Get healthier emotionally. The past few months have been exhausting for me emotionally speaking. I'm tired of it. I've been working on my spiritual health with my circle and by myself, and that's been a help but I'm still spending far more time than I want to complaining about my life and wallowing in negativity. It's a very difficult thing that I hope will get better once May rolls around and Fred and I have our home to ourselves again. In the meantime, I am working on having more time to myself, and doing some self exploration. I've got a good handle on who I am now, it's time to work on the parts of me I don't like a whole lot.
3. Cultivate patience. There are good reasons why my life isn't going at the pace I want it to. I know this from past experience. I just need to keep reminding myself of it.
4. Have fun! Not to say that I don't already. It's just something I'd like to keep on doing.
On the whole things are really good. I have all my basic necessities taken care of and a whole lot of extras. I have my health and the health of my family. I have lots of wonderful people who give me love and support. Parts of 2005 were difficult, but more because of what was going on around me, and happening to people I care about than because of anything happening directly to me.
My wish for 2006 is that everyone I know, and everyone I don't have a healthy and happy year that is leaps and bounds above the last one.
Right, that meaning thing.
Please note: started this on the 28th. Yes, I'm slow.
After catching up over at the WD and seeing Simon's post, as well as reading the P@'s blog about it, I want to do a companion post to the Post-Wishlist. So, um, I am.
What I gave:
To my Dad:
- an engraved manicure set (The one he had is older than me. Really.)
- a jar of Robertson's Lemon marmalade
To my Mom:
- a flannel shirt
- her yearly unicorn, which this year was a book by Carson Kressly. I like to change things up so that she doesn't wind up with a lot of dust collectors. Last year I gave her a colouring book. [grin]
To my Frank:
- an anthology of Elmore Leonard stories
- a bucking bronco Christmas ornament; the cowboy looks exactly like Frank!
To Mom and Frank together:
- a 3-jar combo of food/cooking stuff: chocolate sauce, roasted garlic and onion jelly and bumbleberry jelly
To Fred:
- a Zboard with a World of Warcraft overlay
- a funky purple dress shirt with a matching tie
- new nipple rings
- some bath stuff
- a cross-stitch kit (this one, and the one above really are for him, not me!)
- some chocolate and stocking stuffers
- a mini-Robosapien
- a 365-day wolf calendar
To Dave:
- a goblin wall calendar
- a crystal skull with led platform
To Amanda:
- tiny resin bears dressed as Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion
- an Alex Ross calendar
- a joystick you plug into your tv so you can play Pac-man without a computer
To various other relatives/friends:
- book about the mythological history of N. Ireland (Uncle Jimmy)
- celtic pin (Aunt Betty)
- cauldron (Becca)
- date book (Iona)
- HBC gift card (Jo)
After catching up over at the WD and seeing Simon's post, as well as reading the P@'s blog about it, I want to do a companion post to the Post-Wishlist. So, um, I am.
What I gave:
To my Dad:
- an engraved manicure set (The one he had is older than me. Really.)
- a jar of Robertson's Lemon marmalade
To my Mom:
- a flannel shirt
- her yearly unicorn, which this year was a book by Carson Kressly. I like to change things up so that she doesn't wind up with a lot of dust collectors. Last year I gave her a colouring book. [grin]
To my Frank:
- an anthology of Elmore Leonard stories
- a bucking bronco Christmas ornament; the cowboy looks exactly like Frank!
To Mom and Frank together:
- a 3-jar combo of food/cooking stuff: chocolate sauce, roasted garlic and onion jelly and bumbleberry jelly
To Fred:
- a Zboard with a World of Warcraft overlay
- a funky purple dress shirt with a matching tie
- new nipple rings
- some bath stuff
- a cross-stitch kit (this one, and the one above really are for him, not me!)
- some chocolate and stocking stuffers
- a mini-Robosapien
- a 365-day wolf calendar
To Dave:
- a goblin wall calendar
- a crystal skull with led platform
To Amanda:
- tiny resin bears dressed as Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion
- an Alex Ross calendar
- a joystick you plug into your tv so you can play Pac-man without a computer
To various other relatives/friends:
- book about the mythological history of N. Ireland (Uncle Jimmy)
- celtic pin (Aunt Betty)
- cauldron (Becca)
- date book (Iona)
- HBC gift card (Jo)
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Post-Wishlist
Since I never got around to posting my Christmas wishlist (sorry bettie!), I thought I'd do a list of what I did get!
From Dad:
- a pretty sweater
- socks
- stripy mittens
- a CD/DVD combo that I already have, so I'm giving it to a friend who doesn't have it and wants it badly
- a datebook
- my yearly angel (I've been getting an angel from my parents every year since I was born. Since they split up, I now get one from each of them. And other people have gotten in on the act. I'm probably the only pagan with a collection of angels.)
- lots of chocolate
From Fred:
- Hipeponymous
- a Buddha board
- a Gamecube with Mario Party 7 and Piglet's Big Game Adventure (I'm just getting into the whole video game thing, and kid's games are just about all I can handle right now.)
- a beautiful candle holder
- an orange mobile with a cat on it
- a Bad Cat 365-day calendar
- the South Beach Diet companion book
- 2 Christopher Moore books Practical Demonkeeping and Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
From Amanda and Dave:
- the anniversary edition of A Nightmare Before Christmas
- a couple of nifty angels
- 2 wall calendars (one calico cats and the other monthly beading projects)
- a dance card from a witches' gathering in New Jersey from the early 1900's
From Mom and Frank:
- a teddy bear that is also a heating/cooling pad
- a Robin Hood Flour cookbook
- my yearly angel
- 4 sunflower drawer knobs
- a perpetual calendar for keeping track of birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
- Fred got a beautiful dart board, the kind that comes mounted in a cabinet and has the chalk boards attached
From Fred's family:
- a crocheted afghan
- a beautiful purple and blue mohair coat
- a 6.5 litre slow-cooker
- a 4-slice toaster
- a photo of Fred and I from his sister's wedding
- home-make Bailey's
From various friends:
- a jar of cookie mix
- home made jam
- the 10 3/4 anniversary edition of the Pressed Fairy Book
- gift certificates for a restaurant and a movie theatre
- home made hair sticks with orange skulls and purple bats on them
- kitty cat tree ornaments
Yes, I am very, very spoiled. Even with all of that, there are 2 things that I wanted very, very badly and did not get. I asked for the Stitch 'n Bitch books, but I will be able to get the first one at least for my self in January with my sale thingy from Chapters.
Mostly, I wanted Fred to propose. I would have been over the moon if he had given me nothing else but that. Since I can't buy that at Chapters, I just have to keep waiting.
From Dad:
- a pretty sweater
- socks
- stripy mittens
- a CD/DVD combo that I already have, so I'm giving it to a friend who doesn't have it and wants it badly
- a datebook
- my yearly angel (I've been getting an angel from my parents every year since I was born. Since they split up, I now get one from each of them. And other people have gotten in on the act. I'm probably the only pagan with a collection of angels.)
- lots of chocolate
From Fred:
- Hipeponymous
- a Buddha board
- a Gamecube with Mario Party 7 and Piglet's Big Game Adventure (I'm just getting into the whole video game thing, and kid's games are just about all I can handle right now.)
- a beautiful candle holder
- an orange mobile with a cat on it
- a Bad Cat 365-day calendar
- the South Beach Diet companion book
- 2 Christopher Moore books Practical Demonkeeping and Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
From Amanda and Dave:
- the anniversary edition of A Nightmare Before Christmas
- a couple of nifty angels
- 2 wall calendars (one calico cats and the other monthly beading projects)
- a dance card from a witches' gathering in New Jersey from the early 1900's
From Mom and Frank:
- a teddy bear that is also a heating/cooling pad
- a Robin Hood Flour cookbook
- my yearly angel
- 4 sunflower drawer knobs
- a perpetual calendar for keeping track of birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
- Fred got a beautiful dart board, the kind that comes mounted in a cabinet and has the chalk boards attached
From Fred's family:
- a crocheted afghan
- a beautiful purple and blue mohair coat
- a 6.5 litre slow-cooker
- a 4-slice toaster
- a photo of Fred and I from his sister's wedding
- home-make Bailey's
From various friends:
- a jar of cookie mix
- home made jam
- the 10 3/4 anniversary edition of the Pressed Fairy Book
- gift certificates for a restaurant and a movie theatre
- home made hair sticks with orange skulls and purple bats on them
- kitty cat tree ornaments
Yes, I am very, very spoiled. Even with all of that, there are 2 things that I wanted very, very badly and did not get. I asked for the Stitch 'n Bitch books, but I will be able to get the first one at least for my self in January with my sale thingy from Chapters.
Mostly, I wanted Fred to propose. I would have been over the moon if he had given me nothing else but that. Since I can't buy that at Chapters, I just have to keep waiting.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
A new toy, and the long and the short of it
Item 1: New toy! It lights up and makes noise and vibrates and makes me smile!
That's right, I got a new cell phone. [grin]
Fred and I decided that since he had no cell phone and mine was worn out and we both drive relatively long distances for work that it would be a good investment to make. We have matching Sanyo 3700 phones that use the 10-4 system, so they double as walkie-talkies. This means that I can be in Toronto and Fred can be in Arthur and we can talk to each other without long distance charges. Yay! Plus, pretty screens and ringtones. I'm working on getting some Buffy hooked up.
Item 2: The long and the short of it.
Today is the first day of winter. It is also the day with the least amount of daylight, which means that from now on the days will start to get longer. It's often called the Winter Solstice, or Yule and it marks the return of light to the world and a time to look forward to spring. Some pagans will tell you that Christmas is just a co-opting of pre-Christian traditions, but I figure, like so many other things you find when comparing religions, it's simply a good time to celebrate life, and love and the good things we have, regardless of what may or may not have gone on thousands of years ago.
So be you Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, Athiest, Agnostic or anything else I may have missed, I wish you the best of this time of year: love, family, friends, wonder and awe, remembrance and beauty. Feel free to tell me what your "best" is.
Blessed be!
That's right, I got a new cell phone. [grin]
Fred and I decided that since he had no cell phone and mine was worn out and we both drive relatively long distances for work that it would be a good investment to make. We have matching Sanyo 3700 phones that use the 10-4 system, so they double as walkie-talkies. This means that I can be in Toronto and Fred can be in Arthur and we can talk to each other without long distance charges. Yay! Plus, pretty screens and ringtones. I'm working on getting some Buffy hooked up.
Item 2: The long and the short of it.
Today is the first day of winter. It is also the day with the least amount of daylight, which means that from now on the days will start to get longer. It's often called the Winter Solstice, or Yule and it marks the return of light to the world and a time to look forward to spring. Some pagans will tell you that Christmas is just a co-opting of pre-Christian traditions, but I figure, like so many other things you find when comparing religions, it's simply a good time to celebrate life, and love and the good things we have, regardless of what may or may not have gone on thousands of years ago.
So be you Jewish, Christian, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, Athiest, Agnostic or anything else I may have missed, I wish you the best of this time of year: love, family, friends, wonder and awe, remembrance and beauty. Feel free to tell me what your "best" is.
Blessed be!
Monday, December 19, 2005
The stockings were hung by the entertainment centre with care...
A week away from Christmas I have finally mailed the cards to people who live in the same country as me! Also done: all shopping for friends and family, with the exception of four of Fred's relatives that I have never met, and one of my friends who already received the gift I bought for her from someone else, but hey, I get a new yoga mat out of the deal. I have finished all the shopping for Fred's gifts except for a couple of stocking stuffers. Almost all of the already-bought presents are wrapped. All cards are written, except for the fancy ones for my parents and Fred. I get you could say that my Christmas preparations are exceptional. *ducks thrown fruit*
So my ramping-up-to-Christmas schedule is as follows:
- stop at the mall on the way home tonight for replacement gift for friend and stuff that room mate/co-worker needs to pick up
- after dinner, hide in room and finish wrapping what I have already bought
- go to friend's house tomorrow night for our Yule ritual and chocolate making
- do solitary Yule celebration at home on Wednesday, also take bath and paint nails, call my mom 'cause it's her birthday
- I think I actually get Thursday night free! I may do laundry.
- Friday (after I get paid) pick up last few things for Fred's stocking and wrap them, do grocery shopping so that I have something to feed my father for lunch on Christmas eve, and a gift for the kitties on Christmas
Whee! *jingles bells*
In related news, I am vying for the title of Best Girlfriend Ever (TM). The only thing Fred and I have a serious difference of opinion on is the amount of time he spends playing WoW (World of Warcraft, for those of you lucky enough to have missed this phenomenon). So there's this thing he pointed out called a ZBoard that is designed specifially, along with the various accessories, to make video game play that much better. He's been wanting this for months. In trying to come up with a gift for him I looked at a lot of different things, but decided that I should get him something he will truly enjoy and use on a daily basis. He's gonna be suprised for sure, and hopefully very pleased. I can't wait!
So my ramping-up-to-Christmas schedule is as follows:
- stop at the mall on the way home tonight for replacement gift for friend and stuff that room mate/co-worker needs to pick up
- after dinner, hide in room and finish wrapping what I have already bought
- go to friend's house tomorrow night for our Yule ritual and chocolate making
- do solitary Yule celebration at home on Wednesday, also take bath and paint nails, call my mom 'cause it's her birthday
- I think I actually get Thursday night free! I may do laundry.
- Friday (after I get paid) pick up last few things for Fred's stocking and wrap them, do grocery shopping so that I have something to feed my father for lunch on Christmas eve, and a gift for the kitties on Christmas
Whee! *jingles bells*
In related news, I am vying for the title of Best Girlfriend Ever (TM). The only thing Fred and I have a serious difference of opinion on is the amount of time he spends playing WoW (World of Warcraft, for those of you lucky enough to have missed this phenomenon). So there's this thing he pointed out called a ZBoard that is designed specifially, along with the various accessories, to make video game play that much better. He's been wanting this for months. In trying to come up with a gift for him I looked at a lot of different things, but decided that I should get him something he will truly enjoy and use on a daily basis. He's gonna be suprised for sure, and hopefully very pleased. I can't wait!
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
'Tis the season to run around like a crazy person...
I tried to write my Christmas cards last night. I managed to get through a whopping nine out of over 30. At least the people in the UK and US might get their cards before 2006.
Instead of sitting down with a nice cup of tea and my cards, and enjoying the Christmas episode of Corner Gas, Frosty the Snowman and The Worst Christmas Jobs in History I talked to:
- my mother, to arrange when we are seeing her at Christmas
- my father, to arrange when we are seeing him at Christmas
- my uncle, to arrange when we are seeing them at Christmas
- my father (again), to re-arrange when we are seeing him at Christmas
- my boyfriend's sister, to ask more questions about what to get for her kids
In theory, none of that should have taken very long. In reality, I saw about 20 minutes of television total and wound up with very cold tea.
However, this means that my Christmas Visiting Schedule (TM) is now set and I can get to planning the rest of my life. This coming weekend I have to:
- bake bread for a Christmas Tea on Sunday
- take a friend shopping for a sensitive item (whee!)
- finish the shopping for friends and family
- have dinner with friends on Saturday evening
- get all the gifts for my boyfriend
- go to the Christmas Tea on Sunday
- regular stuff like grocery shopping and laundry
Then I work for five days and wrap gifts at night after dinner.
Starting on Christmas Eve morning I have four straight days of running around the provice to visit family. Then I work for three days. Then I cram a lunch visit with more family in on New Year's Eve day before going off to a party at night.
I'm going to need a vacation from my Christmas vacation.
*hums "Most Wonderful Time of the Year"*
Instead of sitting down with a nice cup of tea and my cards, and enjoying the Christmas episode of Corner Gas, Frosty the Snowman and The Worst Christmas Jobs in History I talked to:
- my mother, to arrange when we are seeing her at Christmas
- my father, to arrange when we are seeing him at Christmas
- my uncle, to arrange when we are seeing them at Christmas
- my father (again), to re-arrange when we are seeing him at Christmas
- my boyfriend's sister, to ask more questions about what to get for her kids
In theory, none of that should have taken very long. In reality, I saw about 20 minutes of television total and wound up with very cold tea.
However, this means that my Christmas Visiting Schedule (TM) is now set and I can get to planning the rest of my life. This coming weekend I have to:
- bake bread for a Christmas Tea on Sunday
- take a friend shopping for a sensitive item (whee!)
- finish the shopping for friends and family
- have dinner with friends on Saturday evening
- get all the gifts for my boyfriend
- go to the Christmas Tea on Sunday
- regular stuff like grocery shopping and laundry
Then I work for five days and wrap gifts at night after dinner.
Starting on Christmas Eve morning I have four straight days of running around the provice to visit family. Then I work for three days. Then I cram a lunch visit with more family in on New Year's Eve day before going off to a party at night.
I'm going to need a vacation from my Christmas vacation.
*hums "Most Wonderful Time of the Year"*
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Domesticity
Friday night I baked four loaves of bread. Last night I cooked a 4 pound roast with potatoes and carrots. Then I spent three hours cross-stitching. Today I think I'm going to bake some muffins and I'm actually looking forward to cleaning my kitchen and doing a couple of other small chores.
While I have always enjoyed cooking, given the time and space, this is a whole new level of domesticity for me. Last weekend I found myself humming while doing laundry. I wonder if it is in part because I don't get to spend a lot of time at home, or if it is because I share my home with another woman who is also trying to assert her personality and I go all Martha in an attempt to compensate for the lack of control I have.
Whatever it is, I'm slighty scared by it and a little mortified. Mostly, though, I'm really enjoying myself.
Weird.
While I have always enjoyed cooking, given the time and space, this is a whole new level of domesticity for me. Last weekend I found myself humming while doing laundry. I wonder if it is in part because I don't get to spend a lot of time at home, or if it is because I share my home with another woman who is also trying to assert her personality and I go all Martha in an attempt to compensate for the lack of control I have.
Whatever it is, I'm slighty scared by it and a little mortified. Mostly, though, I'm really enjoying myself.
Weird.
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