Tuesday, April 18, 2006

What's the opposite of Spring Fever?

Usually around this time of year I get a burst of energy. Days are getting warmer and sunnier and longer. Things are starting to grow. Birdies are happily twittering all over the place. The kitties are turning into kamikaze furballs. Even Fred is a little perkier than usual.

I am not. I am tired. And sad. And having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, nevermind getting excited about getting out of bed. It's not every day, and it's not all day long on the days that I feel like this, but there's getting to be more not-wanting-to-get-out-of-bed days than not. I'm still getting out of bed, but that's mostly because I need the paycheque. Oh, and some days (again, not every day) I just can't stop eating. Not always stuff that's bad for me, but still, it is possible to eat too much celery.

Maybe I'm depressed? I don't know. I've been treated for it in the past, and it felt different than this. This is more like extreme boredom with my life. Except that aside from my job/commute (didn't get that last one that I interviewed for, by the way), my weight and a couple of things that will take care of themselves in about 19 days, I quite like my life. I have a home that I have plans to make into a lovely home. I have a boyfriend and cats and family and friends who all love me and I love them all back. I'm still looking for a job and still going to the gym. I go for walks and I do things I enjoy like going to the farmer's market, and singing, and having tea with my girlfriends. So why, when I have all of this wonderful stuff going on, do I just want to pull the covers up over my head and snuggle with a kitty while knitting things and watching Oprah?


Annika said...

Depression comes in all shapes and sizes. So does malaise. And ennui. And lots of other fancy words. Or you might just be over-tired. Whatever it is, your life is going to simplify a little bit soon and you'll be able to get moving on the home stuff you've wanted to do and hopefully that will help.

Anonymous said...

This happens to me too. Especially since the loss of the Festival, I'm still struggling to find that one exceptional outlet that makes me special. Without it, it's a depressing look into a long future of get up, go to work, come home, do housework, repeat until death.
The singing, and potential for a future performing there is the only thing that keeps me going some days.

Ok, that and Hurricane Owen.

Not to worry, Podge. You'll find another special thing. You're not the type to drift forever. My plan is to be "out of the box" by 40, and not look back. I'm taking as many people with me as I can.

Hugs you, because I know how you feel.

J (who still can't remember her password)

CosmicAvatar said...

I know exactly what you mean. It's annoying when that anticipated burst of energy doesn't come, but this feeling will pass.

Helen said...

When I read this I thought of "ennui".

As J mentioned the festival, and I know you did it in the past - what about organising an event? If you've got contacts with other participants, can get a venue and a dateand stuff, you could have fun organising it, get to do the singing and dancing you both enjoyed, maybe raise money for charity - and it'd be pretty darn impressive on the CV too.

Feel free to disregard thisas the thought of someone with too much gung ho (I just went for a run and so am all "Go go go!").

The Bears said...

What everyone said makes a lot of sense.

"So why, when I have all of this wonderful stuff going on, do I just want to pull the covers up over my head and snuggle with a kitty while knitting things and watching Oprah?"

Also, sometimes it's okay to need to spend a little time snuggling with kitties and watching TV.

*many Bears hugs*

OK Bye

allison said...

If preferring kitty snuggles and Oprah is a sign of depression, then I have been depressed for years!!!

Sounds like you are simply done with the work situation. I can relate. But hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel. [hugs]

Big PoZer said...

Ah, I can relate.

There's nothing like having a bout of The Grand Funk.

But, you are a divine woman... and I have no doubt that things will be looking up soon.


Jenn said...

Yeah. Everyone else had very good things to say. I know I've had just some weeks where this is what I feel as well. I think I'm dabbling in the same thing myself right now. Just *meh*.

So many many hugs!