...you think you're done with something; that you've healed, that you've moved on. Then you hear a song, and you hear it, really, really hear it for the first time, even though you've sung it a bajillion times, and it sends you into a tailspin (apologies to Sarah McLachlan for only quoting some of the lyrics here; these are the ones that hit me hardest).
Through the years I've grown to love you
Though your commitment to most would offend
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride
Waiting for you to give in...
You never really tried or so it seems
I've had more than myself to blame
I've had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end...
In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why
There's no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns
They've torn the life-blood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn...
Funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do
Seemed to make no difference to you at all...
Apologies have been made, as well as a tentative peace, and I was puzzled by the whole thing coming when it did, and wondered about the reasons, but I took it (as I always have) at face value, despite all past evidence that I am a naive fool, and then got on with things because while it was unexpected, it was no longer a huge thing in my daily life.
Now, this hit me out of nowhere, and made me marvel at the layers of the psyche. I've had a good cry, and a cup of tea, and I'm feeling level again, which is good. It's just a scar that I didn't expect to be laid open at 9 pm on a random Thursday.