I went to the mall last night to buy a pair of pants.
After much frustration, I came home with 5 pairs of underwear, 3 pairs of socks, two books and a yoga for dummies DVD.
On the bus on the way home yesterday (before going to the mall) I read this post by Crazy Aunt Purl, as well as a good portion of the 325 comments. She talks about struggling with a bajillion different diets and methods of losing weight, all guaranteed to work...yeah. It struck a chord with me. According to those BMI thingys I am obese. I don't look obese (unless I'm naked in my bathroom), but I certainly am overweight, and the last doctor's visit revealed cholesterol that's a titch too high. I've had pressure from family members for years to lose weight, and I've put pressure on myself. When I started university I was a curvy 125 lbs and was dancing 6 days a week. In my head I'm still 125 lbs so it's often a shock to me to catch sight of myself in a reflective surface. But I've been resistant and resentful and stubborn, and I haven't used all the tools I know about because "losing weight" is hard. Reading CAP's musings and the comments of all those people who have been struggling with similar stuff felt really, really good. 'Cause it's not just me.
So when I couldn't find pants that fit me properly I picked up YOU: On a Diet by Drs. Roizen and Oz (and a book of erotica, but that's neither here nor there), and a yoga DVD. The quitting smoking is sticking, so it's time to throw the next part of my loving of me at the wall and wait for it to stick too.
Today I will start not dieting. Today, I will start being more mindful.