Sweet Lethe

OK, so I'm sleeping again. The new sleeping pills work: I go to sleep right away and only wake up once a night. The couple of nights I haven't taken a pill (actually half a pill, because the one time I took a whole one I slept for 11 hours, had breakfast, and then went back to sleep for two hours) I've been a bit longer going under (but not as long as before) and only woken up twice in the night, rather than the previous three or four times.

So we're getting there.

As of Nov. 1 I will be commuting by Greyhound. It means we're going to have even less expendable cash than we already do, but it's going to lighten my stress load, allow time for napping/knitting/reading and save me the immediate out-lay of winterizing my car. Plus my mother will worry less.

Work may get worse. It may also get better. I'm getting more event planning requests thrown my way, which is stuff that I really love to do. I've finally been heard on my request to get rid of my laptop and get a desktop computer. This will lessen the chances of me having to take work home. Now that we aren't doing the same job and soon will not be trapped in a car together any more, the relationship with the former best friend has lost all stressful overtones. We're actually laughing together again. And we hugged. It will never be what it was, because I will never fully trust her, but I'm pleased that we've gotten this far again.

That's the good.

The colleague that went to Rome whose job I did and the website blew up and I got stressed out and stopped sleeping, remember her? Yeah, well, she went and found another job. And they don't plan to replace her. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. I've had a bit of a talk with my manager and will have a bit more of a talk tomorrow. At this point it could go either way.

Also, a different colleague has gone on stress leave, dumping all her work on ex-bfriend, which puts work fall-out on me as well. Three hours this morning were spent doing the work of the woman on leave. Oddly (or maybe not so oddly) this has been one source of the returning easiness between ebf and I.

So the bad may not turn out to be so bad after all. We'll see.

Less crying. Still not a lot of sleeping.

So the co-worker came back from Rome (best birthday gift ever!) which means that I am back to having a normal (well, for around here anyway) workload. Less stress = less crying.

Unfortunately, my body still hasn't figured out that in order to function as a normal (or what passes for normal in my life) human being I need to go to sleep. And then I need to stay asleep. The sleeping pills my doctor gave me a month ago help with either one or the other. I drift off with no problem, but then I wake up at midnight, 2:30 and 4:30 before having to get up at 5:15. Or, I'm still awake at 12:30 when Fred gets home from work.

So I went to see my lovely doctor today (her name's Angela, who wouldn't love her? *wink*) and she's given me something else to try.

Wish me sweet (and unbroken) dreams tonight.

October 4, 1973

Which makes me thirty-three today.

In my early twenties I had a much different vision of what my life would be like ten years down the road.

I certainly didn't expect to be living in Guelph and spending my free time knitting, cross-stitching, pickling with my girlfriends and doing yoga while swearing meditatively.

I'm glad I'm where I am. Overall, it's much better than what I had imagined.