Day 5

Wow, it's been rocky. According to my little counter thingy, it's been 5 days and 9 hours since my last cigarette. Longest 5 days of my life. I've been using the Step One patches and wondering if they're a little strong. I've been having some very vivid dreams, which may be a side effect. Or, it may just be my brain dealing with some recent difficulties in my life. On the other hand of things, I've been wondering if the patch is doing anything at all, as I'm still having cravings like crazy.

Today I get to find out.

A. stayed home today so I was trying to decide this morning whether I should take the bus or drive in to work alone. Working on 6 hours sleep and having a headache was slowing down my thought processes. I decided to drive, even thought it was raining, since driving means less money spent today and less time spent standing around waiting for busses. I was about 40 km up the 401 from home when I realized I didn't put a patch on this morning. Nor do I have one on me. So we shall see what happens. I may have to run out at lunch for a box of Step 2's. Or I may discover that it really is my willpower that has carried me through the last 5 days. *fingers crossed*

Day 1

So. Here I am, a recovering smoker. There's a patch on my back and a Quitmeter counter at the bottom of my blog. Although today was supposed to be my quit date, I finished a pack of smokes at 11:15 last night and haven't had one since, so that's when I'm counting from.

So far so good. It would help if there was milk for my tea. Meh.

Quitter

Tonight I stopped on my way home and bought a box of Step 1 Transdermal Nicotine Patches.


I'm scared shitless.


I want to quit smoking. I've been doing it for the better part of 15 years. I stopped once, for a couple of years, but started again when my mom had a bad horse back riding accident and I had a hard time dealing with the fact that she's mortal.

Now is the right time for me to do this. I'm not enjoying anything about smoking anymore and 4 of my friends have quit successfully in the past few months, not to mention all of the folks over at the WD who have managed to kick the habit. My boyfriend, who has been smoking for over 20 years quit on Monday. I figure if he can do it, so can I.

My fear of quitting comes in two flavours:
1. I'm afraid I won't be able to do it.
2. I'm afraid I will be able to do it.

Number one feeds on my general fear of failure. There have been times in my life when I just wouldn't try something because I might do it wrong. Thankfully, I'm mostly past that now, but in this instance, the fear has come back with a vengeance.

Number two is all about my image of who I am. When you do something several times a day for years it becomes a part of your self image. Who am I? I'm a non-practicing bi-sexual pagan smoker. And a couple of other things, but in the us-against-them war, I've been firmly on the side of the carcinogenically inclined for some time now. So changing that label is going to be difficult.

The reasons I have for quitting are many, and all good ones. I'm tired of the way I smell. I don't like the taste anymore, even though I smoke the minty version. My throat hurts, I get wheezy in the mornings, I cough before I go to sleep at night. My singing voice is not so good any more. I can't afford it. I want babies.

So wish me luck. Wish me willpower. Wish me success.

Update!

Yeah.

So, I've got a new job, that I pretty much like.

My best friend moved in with me and the boyfriend at the beginning of April. The new job is with her. So we spend a lot of time together. This is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes not a good thing. We're managing.

I've finally got the $300 I need to finalize my divorce. Yay!

Yeah.

Note to self: if you're going to have a blog, get more interesting.