Here is what happens when you aren't used to taking work home on the weekend.
You forget until Sunday night that you had meant to do work, and decide to just leave it and go in a little early Monday. You also feel like 4 kinds of hell, so decide to put off laundry, cleaning the kitchen and making husband's food for the week until Monday night, and instead start knitting a scarf for your mom while watching five episodes of True Blood.
You forget to take your work back to work with you Monday morning, and you have a 9 am meeting, so you can't make the hour long round trip home to get your work until after the meeting, meaning that you won't get to start on your work until about 11 am.
You will have to stay late at work to get everything in for the Tuesday morning deadline, meaning that the housework is going to keep you up until well past eleven, and that tomorrow you will feel like 4 kinds of hell again.
Showing posts with label Whinge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Whinge. Show all posts
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Money, money, money
Warning: this is a getting it off my chest post. I'm not looking for advice, just needing to get this out there.
I feel like we have been having money problems for, well, forever.
We've borrowed from friends and family, last year I got a second job for six months, husband has done some overtime (although not as much as I wish he would), I've cut back my personal spending just about as much as I can and we're still sinking like the Titanic.
The thing is, we both have a job. We both make good money (although I did take a substantial pay cut to not have to travel into Toronto to work). I very much don't want to have to go to work at Wendy's but it's looking like that's going to be my next step.
We have debt. Two cars, my student loan, a personal loan and some back taxes. It's not an incredible amount of money, but it's enough that every month is a struggle to make rent, or to pay hydro. A while ago we had our home phone cut off. I've spun it to some friends, and especially to family, that we decided to just switch over to cell phones, like it was some hip-with-the-era decision. Really, it filled me with shame, and terror, that at the age of 35, I still don't have it together.
I feel like we have been having money problems for, well, forever.
We've borrowed from friends and family, last year I got a second job for six months, husband has done some overtime (although not as much as I wish he would), I've cut back my personal spending just about as much as I can and we're still sinking like the Titanic.
The thing is, we both have a job. We both make good money (although I did take a substantial pay cut to not have to travel into Toronto to work). I very much don't want to have to go to work at Wendy's but it's looking like that's going to be my next step.
We have debt. Two cars, my student loan, a personal loan and some back taxes. It's not an incredible amount of money, but it's enough that every month is a struggle to make rent, or to pay hydro. A while ago we had our home phone cut off. I've spun it to some friends, and especially to family, that we decided to just switch over to cell phones, like it was some hip-with-the-era decision. Really, it filled me with shame, and terror, that at the age of 35, I still don't have it together.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
Messy.
That's me: messy.
The past few months have been weird for me emotionally. I go from crying at my desk, at home, on the phone, heartbreaking unhappiness to being very happy and having a lot of fun, making jokes and being in a genuinely good mood, and back to being an emotional black hole again. The change can take place over a number of days or in a matter of hours.
I think a lot of it is winter, and snow. I'm just sooooo tired of the white. I'm craving green, and flowers and some blue sky. Some of it is working two jobs and my inability to say no to volunteer things (I don't mean the Heart and Stroke stuff, I mean the local production I wasn't going to be in and am now singing two songs and sewing three costumes for), and my general burning of my candle not just at both ends but straight up the middle as well. Some of it is my frustration with having even less time with my husband than I used to (working and rehearing on weekends is eating into the only time we have to spend together). There's money stress, still.
There are other things going on too. I am achy all the time; joints, muscles, back/head. I'm experiencing insomnia again like I was a while back, but I'm out of the sleep aids my former doctor prescribed. I'm comfort eating like crazy.
I stood in my friend's kitchen last night and cried because she's got a little shelf up with a few life-affirming kind of things on it; exactly the kind of thing I'd like to make for myself, but I just can't get motivated to put away my laundry, never mind pull together something like that.
I know I need to see a doctor, that there's something here beyond me just being tired, but there aren't any available in my city right now, and no-one at a walk-in clinic is going to help me.
I don't like myself when I'm like this, but when I don't like myself I don't think I deserve to be good to myself and do things that are good for me, and would in turn help me be the me I like. It's like a reverse catch-22. And it's messy.
Edited to add: Can you tell today isn't one of the good ones?
The past few months have been weird for me emotionally. I go from crying at my desk, at home, on the phone, heartbreaking unhappiness to being very happy and having a lot of fun, making jokes and being in a genuinely good mood, and back to being an emotional black hole again. The change can take place over a number of days or in a matter of hours.
I think a lot of it is winter, and snow. I'm just sooooo tired of the white. I'm craving green, and flowers and some blue sky. Some of it is working two jobs and my inability to say no to volunteer things (I don't mean the Heart and Stroke stuff, I mean the local production I wasn't going to be in and am now singing two songs and sewing three costumes for), and my general burning of my candle not just at both ends but straight up the middle as well. Some of it is my frustration with having even less time with my husband than I used to (working and rehearing on weekends is eating into the only time we have to spend together). There's money stress, still.
There are other things going on too. I am achy all the time; joints, muscles, back/head. I'm experiencing insomnia again like I was a while back, but I'm out of the sleep aids my former doctor prescribed. I'm comfort eating like crazy.
I stood in my friend's kitchen last night and cried because she's got a little shelf up with a few life-affirming kind of things on it; exactly the kind of thing I'd like to make for myself, but I just can't get motivated to put away my laundry, never mind pull together something like that.
I know I need to see a doctor, that there's something here beyond me just being tired, but there aren't any available in my city right now, and no-one at a walk-in clinic is going to help me.
I don't like myself when I'm like this, but when I don't like myself I don't think I deserve to be good to myself and do things that are good for me, and would in turn help me be the me I like. It's like a reverse catch-22. And it's messy.
Edited to add: Can you tell today isn't one of the good ones?
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