Podgy's Ponderings

February Photo a Day - Day 2: Words

2012-02-02T08:50:00.000-05:00

This is the front of a birthday card my dad gave me. I brought it to work and put it on my desk to remind me that this job isn't all that I am, but since I'm here, I should give it the best that I've got.

February Photo a Day - Day 1: My View From Here

2012-02-01T08:47:00.000-05:00

I am cheating and backdating by a day, since I only found out about this today (Feb 1). All photos will probably be taken with the camera on my phone.

This is what I see when I stand up at my desk. It's a dreary, cloudy morning. I'm hoping it will get sunny, and the view will improve.

...so I don't have to dream alone

2011-08-03T15:18:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I over-scheduled myself, which is a pretty common thing for me. I get so excited about having time to do things that I try to cram 48 hours of things into 24 hours.

On Sunday, I missed a chance to go to a Lammas ritual with a local pagan group I've worshipped with a couple of times. I went to a Pirate Festival with my friends instead, which was pretty awesome, and I got an amazing leather Steampunk-themed waist cincher. But that is beside the point, because I have been missing a spiritual community.

I used to have a really strong spiritual community. My friends were also the people I worshipped with, and it filled so many of my needs. Unfortunately, just over a year ago, my circle disbanded because I was the only one still feeling a need for ritual. So I have practiced alone, or with one friend, or with this other group of people that I am still getting to know.

As much as I enjoyed my Pirate Sunday, I missed going to ritual.

Apparently, my subconscious agreed with my conscious, because this morning I participated in a dream ritual. I remember the tail end of it: the fact that there were a lot of people there, some friends, some strangers. I remember singing, although I sadly cannot remember the actual song. I remember dancing and drums. And then my alarm went off, and the dog needed help, and the feeling faded a little, but I could still hear singing on the edge of my hearing, like someone's radio was on in the next townhouse over. I crawled back into bed for a bit, and breathed, and reached out for the dream. And in that few moments, I heard a voice. It was partly mine (or at least the way I sound in my head) and partly another woman's voice. She/I said "You aren't alone, even when you feel like you are. You will get what you need, even if it's not what you think you want. You will be supported, and loved."

It's been a bright spot in a dark time, and I'm thankful for that moment.

Dog Days

2011-07-21T09:28:00.000-04:00

Today feels like the summer before my third year of university. I remember it being a crazy hot summer. I was subletting at The Partington House with friends and working at Wendy's, riding my bike pretty much wherever I needed to go in Windsor. I was 20, it was my first summer away from home, and I was enjoying myself like crazy. It was the summer I discovered They Might Be Giants, and "I Can See Clearly Now" by Holly Cole was my personal anthem.

But it was hot! So hot! I'd finish my shift at Wendy's and some nights go over and sit in Tim Horton's because it was just too hot to go home right away. Other nights I would bike home and sit on the front porch with my housemates, smoking, and talking in the dark because it was too hot to even put a porch light on.

There were news stories about cows dying in the fields. I would watch the neighbourhood kids in their sprinklers and want to go join them.

When the weather finally broke, I was out on my bike with one of my housemates. If memory serves, we were out looking at places to live for September. The rain came down in sheets, and it was glorious, with great booming cracks of thunder and lightning you could see even though it was day time. We rode home, whooping and laughing, and then went and danced in the street in the rain with the neighborhood kids.

Goals

2010-08-01T13:27:00.002-04:00

I was just reading Crazy Aunt Purl's end of July update, where she talks about her goals for this year, and how she's doing with meeting them. She talks about defining success, and how everyone does that differently. For her, success is defined more by working towards her goal, than about saying "ok, that's done, what's next?".

Reading her post got me to thinking about my own goals, and my definition of success. If I go by the "that's done" mentality, I'm a pretty pitiful failure, as I've been working on having a clean house, a healthy body, a stable bank account and a career for years now, and I'm not very much closer to crossing any of those things off my list than I was 10 years ago. In some areas I've even managed to go backwards.

I don't often feel like a failure though, so I'm guessing that while I do get satisfaction from crossing stuff off my lists at work, I don't have the same drivers at home.

I do know that I work better when I set small goals. I joined a gym in February, and my goal for my first year of membership was to still be going at least once a week, and enjoying it, at the end of that first year. So far, so good. I'm actually at a point where I want to expand my fitness goal to say that I want to move mindfully every day. Whether that's going to the gym, or going for a walk, or doing some stretching, whatever it winds up looking like, I want to take some time every day to move, and not just walking from the car to my desk.

I also want to get back to eating food that I've prepared mindfully. I've slipped out of it, but with the recent start up of the summer crop share at Everdale, I've been reminded of how much I enjoy eating freshly prepared, locally produced food. So that's another goal: take the time to prepare and eat good food, and take coffee with me instead of buying it.

So, that covers my body. What about my mind?

I have fallen out of the practice of daily meditation, due to lots and lots of spirituality related stuff that needs it's own post. I know I feel better when I take time, even just 5 minutes, to breathe and connect and pray.

I am also very affected by my surroundings. Our house is...well, let's just say that it causes me anxiety to have people in my house. I get overwhelmed by the fur, and the stuff, and the fur, and the stuff, and then throw up my hands in defeat while the fur and the stuff continues to pile up around us. So, 10 minutes a day, as soon as I walk in the door for the evenings, I'm going to pick stuff (and fur) up, and put it where it belongs.

So, goals for August:
1. Move mindfully every day.
2. Eat mindfully every day.
3. Meditate every day.
4. Spend 10 minutes every day picking up stuff.

I also intend to update every day to keep myself honest. And if I don't cross those things off, that's ok. Because I'm going to measure my success instead of my failure.

The finer things

2010-06-12T21:52:00.004-04:00

I just took a break from doing homework to have an amazing dinner - almost all of which came from vendors at my local farmer's market.

Mixed greens (purchased earlier this week from a local butcher shop/small grocer) with some red bell pepper, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, dilled goat cheese and grilled salmon, all topped with fresh strawberries and a splash of raspberry balsamic vinegar (the only thing that came from a supermarket). To drink, organic 1% milk from an Ontario dairy.

I am blessed to have the wherewithal to feed myself this well.

So blessed.

In which I undertake a project

2010-06-11T13:44:00.005-04:00

Last winter a friend suggested I check out Janel Laidman's book "The Enchanted Sole", since I like to knit socks and I have a love of myth and fairy tales. I took both that book, and the first one Ms. Laidman published called "The Eclectic Sole" out of the Kitchener-Waterloo Knitters Guild Library, and I instantly fell in love.

There are 34 patterns between the two books, and only two that didn't immediately knock my socks off (pun intended). I asked my lovely yarn store owner at All Strung Out to order the books for me, and started planning. Did I want to leave out the two patterns that didn't grab me? Did I want to knit all of them, just to say that I had? What order did I want to do it in?

I wound up deciding that I would knit all 34 pairs of socks, starting with the first pattern in "The Eclectic Sole" and knitting them in order all the way through to the end of the second book. Every pair will be for me, and I'm not setting myself a time limit, but I want to knit them all.

I try to keep only 4 projects on the go at a time (or at least 4 that aren't hibernating; the ones in time-out don't count): two pairs of socks and two larger projects. My larger projects are currently a baby sweater and a grown-up sweater, and I have a sock on the go for a friend, so last night I cast on the first of my Janel Laidman Project socks.

It's called "Simplicity" and is one of the ones that I was originally on the fence about. I'm glad I left it in though, as even in the first 18 round of sock 1, I'm liking the way it looks.

I smell like pool!

2010-04-23T07:57:00.004-04:00

I was rudely awoken this morning an hour before my alarm was set to go off by a stinky cat bum in my face. I got up and cleaned her up and realized that I was not going to get back to sleep. So, what do you do at 5 am on a Friday morning? My usual choices would have been
1. to climb back into bed, steal the covers back from my husband and lay there for an hour, perhaps falling back to sleep 15 minutes before the alarm would go off
2. to head into work, getting there almost 2 hours early
3. to fall back asleep on the sofa in front of the tv and wind up running late, panicked and grumpy.

Now I have a new choice to add to that list: go to the gym. A little over a month ago I joined a fancy schmancy gym. The point of joining this particular one, the most expensive in my city was to do exactly what I did this morning. They are open pretty much 24/7 and there is a women's only pool there that is open from 4 am to midnight every day but Sunday. I was in the pool this morning by ten to six and swam lengths for a half an hour, before relaxing in the hot tub for a few minutes. I was showered and on the road to work with a breakfast smoothy from the gym's coffee bar by 7 am.

Once upon a time, even if I had had this option, I wouldn't have taken it. Now I'm finding that movement, whether it's a Monday night Zumba class, a lunchtime walk with a co-worker, or an early morning swim, is becoming a necessity for me. It's a really great feeling, and is a reawakening of how I used to feel many years ago when I danced fifteen hours a week. What's really neat to realize (as I did in the pool this morning - swimming is also a great time for thinking) is that I am also not restricting myself to one moving thing a day. I didn't think "Well, I could go for a swim, but I'm planning to go to belly dancing tonight, so I don't really need to." So today, I swam, and I'll go for a walk at lunch, and I'll go to belly dancing tonight. Tomorrow I'll go to a Pilates class. I may not get to the gym on Sunday, but I may wake up feeling the need to move, and if I do I will, but if I don't, I won't beat myself up over it (which is also a new thing - giving myself permission to do exactly what I need to do for me).

I am really enjoying the discovery of me, and my body, and what it is still capable of, even after all the years of struggle and neglect and pain.

I don't want to miss a thing

2010-04-08T13:33:00.003-04:00

Which is a mediocre Aerosmith song, but that doesn't make it not my truth.

I'm working full time, married to someone who works an opposite shift leaving us just one or two days a week to be married in. I start my first class towards a Project Management Certificate at a local college this coming Wednesday. I have just joined a local gym, and love it, and also have committed to giving them money for at least a year. I have a very active social life - I'm out minimum three nights a week having tea, knitting, watching movies/tv with friends. I am responsible for the well being of 5 cats and a very old dog, and doing stuff like making sure we have clean underwear and dishes. I also have a brazillion ideas for things I want to make - fibre, jewellery, food, clothing, children.

One would think that this would be more than enough to keep me busy. And it is. There are days when I feel overwhelmed and don't want to get out of bed (but I do).

And yet....

Today I sent off an email to the director of a new-to-me local theatre company asking if they are going to be holding a second round of auditions for their summer festival.

Because although it will run me ragged, I don't want to miss a thing. I want to grab all of life by the tail and ride it until it shakes me off, or I bring it down under me.

Guenivere

2009-12-09T14:42:00.003-05:00

Just now, sitting at my desk, working on vacation reconcilitaion and listening to "Guenivere" by Shaye, I had a major revelation.

There was someone I was so angry with for so long. I just realized where part of that came from.

I was mad at her for being like me, with my storied sexual history, and her hiding affairs, and both of us being cheaters. She was meant to be the one who was stable and stuff, and she wasn't. I was mad that she lied to me, yes, and that she used me to further her agenda in her relationships, but I just realized that it was really that I was mad at me, and mad at her for being like me.

You see, until my current relationship, my current marriage, I have never had a relationship in which I was completely faithful. Even in my first marriage, which was an open one, I managed to go outside the rules of engagement, as it were.

This part of the song was something I believed about myself for so long:

"Sorry but I can't help myself
So I can't help you
I'm always searching
For something new
It's in my nature to be untrue"

It's something I still struggle against, and while I know that I wouldn't cross that line again (because trust me if it were going to happen , it would have happened this year), it's something I'm aware of. I get crushes, I flirt with people, but I work very hard at keeping that arm's-length engaged.

I wonder where this comes from in me. It's quite likely that at least one of my grandfathers philandered, and I know that another family member flirted with the idea but didn't follow through. Is it nature? Does it have something to do with experiences I had as a teenager and my resulting lack of self-care? I think the answer is a little of both.

Ultimately, I think I was chasing a fairy tale. People talk about how you don't want to settle, you should wait for the perfect...whatever. I don't think I have settled, although my life is not a fairy tale. That's just as well, since I would get pretty bored up in a tower all day.

"It wasn't just you, it wasn't just this
Maybe I'm looking for something that just don't exist
It wasn't just you, it wasn't just here
I'm not lady, I am Guenivere"

Camera challenged

2009-11-09T08:48:00.001-05:00

I knit a lovely green chunky moebius cowl for my boss over the weekend, and I want to take a photo of it before I pass it on, but it just looks like a lump unless it's on a person. I tried to take a photo of me in it, and that also went badly (not enough light without the flash, WAY TOO MUCH light with the flash).

Any suggestions?

It was a joyful noise

2009-09-17T09:13:00.001-04:00

Last night I prayed.

I stood in a baseball stadium with 55 000 other people while Bono sang, The Edge and Adam Clayton played guitar, and Larry Mullin Jr. kept time on the drums. They showed us images of Iranian women and children; protesters bathed in green stage lights while the band played "Sunday, Bloody Sunday". We were gifted with a message from the International Space Station by Frank de Winne during one song, and a message from Archbishop Desmond Tutu was the lead in to "One". During "Walk On", we were introduced to the plight of Aung San Suu Kyi while the volunteers who helped mount the concert filed across the front of the stage and were thanked for their work.

The roof of the Rogers Centre was open so in addition to the phenomenal light show inside, we were treated to the sight of the CN Tower's nightly light show, which at times seemed to have been programmed to enhance U2's performance. Better than that was the energy, the wind on my face as I raised my hands, and sang, and clapped, and laughed until I cried from the sheer joy of it all.

There is nothing quite like the sound of so many voices being raised together in joy.

"...beauty's religion
And its Christened me with wonder"
-If Venice is Sinking - Spirit of the West

Failure

2009-09-01T08:55:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I stood and watched while my friend went home with her abusive partner and their son.

She had called a cab to go to a shelter. The cab arrived at the same time he did, and although I locked the door, she said to let him in. He took the baby out of her arms, and neither of us could get the baby back without hurting him (the baby, not the father). Once he had the baby, she said she had to leave with him. I hugged her and told her I was sorry. I can't even imagine how she was feeling.

This all transpired at a friend's house - not even at my own. I was there to care for the homeowners 7-yr-old daughter while she ran an errand. My responsibility wasn't just to my abused friend, but also to my other friends' daughter, to keep her safe.

When the homeowner got back, she called the police and explained the situation: that our friend had spoken to a shelter intake worker that day, who had said that she shouldn't be going home again. That he has a prior history of violence against objects near her (doors, walls, windows). They took us seriously. They said they'd send a car. They got a lot of information from us, and said that they'd let us know the outcome.

We were having tea, a group of women who have known each other for years, friends, and some not-exactly-friends-but-we-can-all-spend-time-together, but all people who know and love the woman I let go home yesterday. We waited until 10:30 for news, but no one called, so we don't know what happened.

I don't know what I should have done differently, what I would do differently if I had to do it over again. I only know that I feel like I failed when it was most important that I succeed.

BBC Book Meme

2009-08-13T13:33:00.000-04:00

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of these.

[ ] 1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
[x] 2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
[x] 3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
[x] 4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
[x] 5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
[x] 6 The Bible - God Yes, even all those bleeding begats at the beginning of it
[x] 7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
[x] 8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
[x] 9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman - I''ve read two and a half - couldn't get through the last one.
[ ] 10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Total: 8

[x] 11 Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
[x] 12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
[x] 13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller I keep meaning to
[x] 14 Complete Works of Shakespeare There are one or two that I haven't read such as "Troilus and Cressida" and "The Rape of Lucrece" but that's about it
[ ] 15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier Half
[x] 16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
[ ] 17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
[x] 18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
[ ] 19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
[x] 20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

Total: 7

[ ] 21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
[x] 22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
[ ] 23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
[ ] 24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
[x] 25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
[ ] 27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
[ ] 28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
[x] 29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll Also, "Through the Looking Glass"
[ ] 30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

Total: 3

[ ] 31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
[ ] 32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
[x] 33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
[ ] 34 Emma - Jane Austen
[ ] 35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
[x] 36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis Shouldn't this be included as part of the "Chronicles of Narnia"?
[ ] 37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
[ ] 38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
[ ] 39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden It's on the bookshelf, but I haven't gotten to it yet.
[x] 40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

Total: 3

[x] 41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
[x] 42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown I
[ ] 43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
[ ] 44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving
[ ] 45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
[x] 46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
[ ] 47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
[x] 48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
[x] 49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
[ ] 50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

Total: 5

[ ] 51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
[ ] 52 Dune - Frank Herbert
[ ] 53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
[x] 54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
[ ] 55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
[ ] 56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
[ ] 57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
[x] 58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
[ ] 59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
[ ] 60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Total: 2

[ ] 61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
[ ] 62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
[ ] 63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
[ ] 64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
[ ] 65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
[ ] 66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
[ ] 67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
[x] 68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
[ ] 69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
[ ] 70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 1

[ ] 71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
[x] 72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
[x] 73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
[ ] 74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
[ ] 75 Ulysses - James Joyce
[ ] 76 The Inferno - Dante
[ ] 77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome Great kidlit
[ ] 78 Germinal - Emile Zola
[ ] 79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
[ ] 80 Possession - AS Byatt

Total: 2

[ ] 81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
[ ] 82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
[ ] 83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
[ ] 84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
[ ] 85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
[ ] 86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mxistry
[x] 87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
[ ] 88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
[x] 89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle I have read some of the stories, but not all of them.
[ ] 90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

Total: 2

[ ] 91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
[x] 92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
[ ] 93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
[x] 94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
[ ] 95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
[ ] 96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
[ ] 97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
[x] 98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare Again, shouldn't this be included in the Complete Works?
[x] 99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
[x] 100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total: 5

For a grand total of 38.

Calefaction

2009-08-06T10:12:00.003-04:00

There is something about baking that does good things for me.

I am not a good enough baker that I can bake without following a recipe. I enjoy the process of looking through my books, or searching for a recipe online. I choose cookies, or muffins or a cake, based mostly on how good the picture looks, and what I already have in my pantry. I will substitute if I don't like or have one of the ingredients. You will never find a raisin, current or any candied fruit in anything I bake, and I am against maraschino cherries on principle. Next I assemble all the ingredients and tools that I will need. It took me years to remember to turn on the oven at this point - baking has finally taught me to think ahead a bit. I enjoy the measuring, the stirring, the kneading. I love the chemistry that makes three separate things (butter, sugar and flour) in to one (cookies). The part I enjoy the least is the cleaning up, but my husband has taught me to do that as I go, which really does make the whole process much simpler. Finally, I love the anticipation of the final product. The smell as it bakes, getting to poke it with a stick to find out if it's done, trusting that even if it looks a little funky, it will taste good anyway.

Three things

2009-08-05T16:45:00.002-04:00

1. Fred got his EI payment today so I went and bought cream (among other things) and I have enjoyed coffee for the first time in three days. Nectar of the gods.

2. I finished knitting mom's silk socks, while watching some of Season 5 of Buffy. I had forgotten just how annoying Dawn was.

3. We are finally using up gift cards tonight. We're going to the Keg to celebrate our 2nd anniversary (a couple of days late). Snails and steak and lobster, here I come!

3a. Hooray for awesome bosses who give recognition in gift card form, or our anniversary dinner would have been the pork chops we had for dinner on Monday.

3b. Fred's anniversary gift from me was a copy of Hit Parade magazine detailing the Top 100 Hard Rock bands of all time. I figured he'd get more enjoyment from it than from a card, which was only three dollars less.

4. I'm really crap at sticking to my own guidelines...

Jumble

2009-04-09T10:48:00.000-04:00

This has been a very tiring week. Work , personal finances, lack of sleep, emotional stuff...yeah, I'm pretty tired.

I could write about it all: new babies and old friends and my health worries, trying to keep afloat without feeling resentful, animals that think 5:30 am is a normal time of day to wake up...each of those could be a blog post, but I just don't have the energy.

Knitting hasn't been going well either. I took a course in toe-up socks at All Strung Out, taught by JohannaB that was awesome...but I didn't measure properly and my socks are too big for my feet. I have been working on the February Lady sweater since November. I picked up the stitches for the last sleeve on Saturday, and knit it inside out for an inch and a half. I bound off the wrong edge of a baby sweater. Lots of knitting fail.

So here are good things:

I passed my Canadian Firearms Safety Course (Unrestricted) last weekend with 100% on both the written and practical tests, and the new knowledge took something I was doing to make other people happy and turned it into something I'm actually excited about.

We can pay some major bills this week, since the severance pay finally came in. Also, I can get a hair cut, and hopefully squirrel away a little walking around cash for the Knitter's Frolic at the end of the month.

Tonight is knit night. Tomorrow is sleeping in (animals be damned) and Replacement Tea. The BlackBerry is staying at home for both events.

We have a roof, and running water, and food, and I am mostly healthy (my new, awesome doctor is helping with the health part), and my cats and dog love me unconditionally.

I have awesome friends at home, at work, and living in my computer.

Finally, I am running a constant soundtrack of feel-good music between blip.fm and my iPod. Music makes my world go around, yes it does.

Nevermind the groundhog

2009-03-10T09:01:00.002-04:00

On my way home from work last night I saw one of my personal notifiers that Spring is on the way.

Buckets.

Specifically, maple syrup buckets.

I have fond memories of going out to the sugar bush on March break and watching the sap get turned into maple syrup. The people doing the demonstration would always drip a bit of the hot maple sugar onto some clean snow so that it would harden. There is nothing quite as awesome as fresh maple sugar candy.

Impromptu Poetry

2009-03-09T08:17:00.003-04:00

Leone tagged me to do some impromptu poetry. Her's rhymes. Mine doesn't.

Cat

I fell in love with you after we broke up;
After you decided
(and rightly so)
That you deserved more in a girlfriend
Than a bi-chick who was already
Mostly committed to her boyfriend
And two cats.

I enjoyed our nights while we were a couple.
Our Portishead underscored lovemaking;
Waiting for your roommate and her girlfriend
To slam into or out of your apartment.
I looked forward to making out in our tiny kitchens
While we waited for the tea to brew.
I relished your scent,
(Body Shop, Second Cup and Pope Joan)
But it was none of these things that made me fall for you.

It was later, when we were friends.
It was our Tuesday teas
(What is it with me and Tuesday?)
When we talked in a way we hadn't when we were focused on
Each others bodies.
When you told me about the women you dated after me,
And the ways in which they wronged you,
And I wanted to hurt them, but you said,
"No".

It was later again, after I married, then left the boyfriend,
(But kept the cats)
And you moved across the ocean
That I missed you most;
That I realized your importance to me,
And that you found my phone number in a pile of papers;
That I finally felt settled in my skin.

I'm not big on the whole tagging thing, but I think there should be more poetry in the world, so I'd like tigerleo, semicrunchymom and noirbettie to give this a shot. Also if you like to read poetry, please go check out Natalie Smith's poetry, but bring some tissues, 'cause she's goooood.

That's the book!

2009-03-06T12:42:00.003-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I was trying to remember a book in which children run away and live in a museum.

Today, someone posted a clip from Clue on Ravelry, which prompted me to look up Madeline Kahn's filmography, and then follow from there to the entry on Wikipedia about the book:
"From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler".

Must remember to see if the Guelph library has a copy.

Introducing...Sheldon!

2009-03-06T08:04:00.004-05:00

No, we didn't get another live animal. In fact, this one won't even be staying at our house; he's a gift for a co-worker.

I knit him out of Briggs and Little wool that I bought at my local yarn store All Strung Out.

He's knit in pieces (8 total by the time you count all the legs), then stuffed and seamed. This was my first time trying an applied i-cord - much thanks to Ashley for the instruction!

The best part about Sheldon is that, much like wee little puppet man Angel, his shell comes off.

Random Thoughts

2009-03-05T13:09:00.001-05:00

I get that all those celebrity women do that weird cross-legged standing thing in photos because it's supposed to make them look thinner, but it just makes me think that they all need to use the potty.

Awesome blog: Clonehenge. It's all about replicas of Stonehenge, made in mediums ranging from silver to bacon. Seriously.

Can we just leave Rihanna alone? Please? Yes, I understand that by mentioning her, I am flying in the face of my own request. Still. Please?

See above point for Nadya Suleyman as well.

In fact, can we stop ridiculing and belittleing women for their choices and blaming them for being victimized, and try to be supportive of each other?

I'm re-reading "The Bitch in the House" by Cathi Hanauer. Sometimes it's good to read stuff that feels like it comes from inside my head.

Tonight I will buy this yarn, in order to knit this pattern for myself. Love!

I currently have a pair of socks, a turtle and a sweater on the needles (no photo yet of the sock, since it's not much more than a cuff at this point).

Coworker gave me a bag of Second Cup's blueberry tea. Heaven!

I have updated my Flickr to a Pro account, and added Google Analytics to my blog. This will either galvanize me into posting more, or paralyze me into posting less. I'm aiming for the former.

Even though the word "assistant" appears in my title, that doesn't mean that I am your assistant.

Tazo's Passion tea is also awesome.

This

2009-02-27T13:12:00.002-05:00

This poem, this writing, this begins to say for me what I haven't been able to say for myself.

Round

If I write more now, I'll wind up in tears at my desk, but that poem at Ampersand, it's a start.

Circular Motion

2009-01-29T10:14:00.002-05:00

Then: I was feeling trapped in a job with no immediate career path out of it, with little to no direct supervision or direction from my boss, trying desperately to get rid of my company laptop, thinking that the only long term solution would be to pursue a Certified Associate in Project Management or Project Management Professional designation and move into the Project Management field, but not feeling overly excited about it.

Now: I am doing a job that I mostly love, although it has no immediate career path out of it. My supervisor sits in an entirely different building, so I talk to her every couple of weeks or so, and get very little direction from her. However, when I do get a chance to talk to her, she's awesomely supportive, and freaking hilarious. I have just requested and received a company laptop, so that if it snows like crazy, I can still get my work done instead of calling it a day and going back to bed. Finally, I have just been approved to take an intro to Project Management course, 'cause I think that's the career direction I want to go in.

It's interesting how sometimes the more things stay the same, the more they change.

'Cause it's the thing to do

2009-01-27T12:37:00.001-05:00

Good things

2009-01-15T08:41:00.003-05:00

My friend's brother is out of ICU, and is now in Stepdown. He's on some blood thinners, and will likely be released from the hospital on Saturday. The doctors think that a large clot formed at the site of his recently badly broken leg (like, he's got pins and stuff in it bad), and smaller clots broke off of that clot and travelled to his lungs. It was a wake up call for many of us that we need to get healthier; while his weight and smoking weren't the primary causes, they sure didn't help. Also, they used clotbusters to help break up the main clot, and his mom has already said that she's making a t-shirt for him that says "Who ya gonna call? Clotbusters!" That whole family has a wonderful sense of humour. I told my friend that I'd mentioned her brother here, and she said to say thank you to anyone who sent good stuff their way.

*******

Recent conversation at my house:

Him: I'm thinking I'd like to try going to school instead of going straight back into the work force.

Me: Ok, cool. What kind of a career are you thinking about?

Him: Well, I'd like to do something that isn't dirty, and doesn't hurt my knees.

Me: Um. I think you need to get a little more specific than that.

Him: I could be a nine to five desk asshole!

Me: Well, you've got the asshole part down*, now all you need is a desk.

*Please note that this is said with much love. Learning to live together again is going to be interesting though.

*******

Tonight is knit night at my LYS, and I am ready to drop some stitches on my Clapotis! Woo!

*******

The weather is crazy cold here (-26 C, I know it's -53 C in Regina, but I'm not there!), which is normally a little cranky making, but the sun rose today, and it was beautiful to see it shining off the snow. I love the sound of sqeaky snow, and the crisp smell of morning. Also, it was very cool to see steam rising of a river this morning because the water is actually warmer than the air.

Maybe he really is serious!

2009-01-14T09:45:00.002-05:00

In addition to the pro-life preacher who will be giving an address at Barack Obama's inauguration, there will be a LGBT band playing in the parade prior to the ceremony, along with the usual military bands and other groups.

He's also set up a meeting with a group of women so that he can listen to their personal stories about abortion, and has said that he's going to repeal the don't ask - don't tell rule for the US military.

Hopefully he won't be hobbled by the rest of the American political system, and he really will be able to bridge gaps and bring about that change of which he speaks so eloquently.

*fingers crossed*

Light a candle, say a prayer

2009-01-12T17:11:00.003-05:00

This year was going along swimmingly: I learned to drop spindle, I got to visit with my cousin from B.C., we finished paying off a loan.

Then, wham, bam, not even a thank you ma'am, in the past 24 hours a friend's beloved kitty has died, another friend's brother has wound up in ICU with a blood clot in his lung, and my husband has been laid off.

So light a candle, say a prayer, stand on your head...do whatever it is you do to send out good vibes to anyone you know who needs 'em.

Early Resolution

2008-12-12T09:52:00.003-05:00

I have been thinking a lot recently about what makes me happy. What external things, what about myself, what activities make me truly happy.

I've got a pretty good list put together, and I've noticed a common thread: mostly, I really like to connect with people. Obviously, I mean people I like, not crankypants people at the mall. Not so obviously, "people I like" doesn't neccessarily mean "people I know" or "people I get to spend a lot of time with". Sometimes "people I like" also means "I like you in small doses, say for an evening", or "you live in my computer, so we can't go have a coffee, but I like you anyway". This also means that I have been thinking that people I don't like so much, I should maybe avoid.

Where I fall down on this (and on just about anything else I decide I want to do that will make me happy) is that I skew towards the lazy. It's easier for me to sit on my couch and knit and watch tv than it is to do just about anything else (this is why my kitchen isn't nearly as clean as it could be). I also have a tendency to get over excited about things and book myself way too much to do, and then wind up all burnt out, sitting on the couch, knitting.

So, I am starting small. I am sending Christmas cards (and now that I've said it in public I have to do it) and some emails. Once the crazyness passes in two weeks, I'm going to visit some people who aren't too far away, and spend some time at my local yarn shop. Then, late January/early February, I'm going to cram a whole bunch of visiting into one weekend. I know that I'll keep my momentum until about March. I just have to remember that I like spending time with people, and that while my couch is also nice, people have a tendency to move far away, and my couch ain't going anywhere.

Something came over me last week.

2008-12-08T09:41:00.002-05:00

I reached out to two people that I typically only have contact with when it is absolutley neccessary.

This resulted in a good phone conversation and a lovely Saturday morning.

There's something to be said for the spirit of this season.

My Artsy Pet pursuits: Everybody, forward this to Mr. Harper!

2008-12-03T08:35:00.003-05:00

My Artsy Pet pursuits: Everybody, forward this to Mr. Harper!

Reposting Johanna B.'s post.

It's important.

And just in case you missed her post from Monday:
http://artsandcats.blogspot.com/2008/12/okay-everybody-back-to-your-civics.html

ETA link to a published letter from the leaders of the coalition:
http://www3.thestar.com/static/PDF/Ottawa/081201_opposition_letter.pdf

Good article from the CBC explaining the Governer General's role:
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/12/02/f-governor-general.html

It's December!

2008-12-02T08:51:00.005-05:00

First things first: we've got some pretty interesting stuff going on politically in Canada right now, that could see a change from our current newly re-elected government, to a coalition government.

My friend J over at My Artsy Pet Pursuits explains it far better than I could, so go take a look.

Moving right along!

It's December. Twenty-three sleeps until Christmas morning. This means that I put up our decorations on Sunday. Usually, I wait (at my husband's request) until after December actually starts, but this year I jumped the gun by a day.

We now have Santas (the one on the left was made by my aunt):

Stockings with elf clothes hung up over top of them:

And a tree with colour changing lights on it:

We do have a much larger tree usually, but it takes up most of the living room and, more importantly, blocks the back door, which would mean that Roo couldn't get out into the back yard. Last year I was cranky and didn't decorate for Christmas, so it wasn't an issue, but this year I needed a fix, so we hit a local big box store and picked up this little guy for $20. I can only fit half of my decorations on it, so I chose the most important ones and made sure that they reflected both of us and our history together, as well as before we met.

Every year I give Fred an ornament. This is one I made for him our first year together:

Our second year together (yes, that is a black christmas ball):

Around the back of the tree, there is also a Millenium Falcon, and an X-wing Fighter:

I have enough angel ornaments of different kinds (cloth, wood, glass, ceramic, hand made, plastic, you name it!) to do a whole tree in just angels:

Finally, I have started my Christmas knitting:

Taste of Love

2008-11-27T14:14:00.003-05:00

Fred's birthday was on Monday, and he requested a chocolate cake. I didn't get around to making it until yesterday, but I did get it done.

Happy belated birthday, baby!

Theo

2008-11-25T14:16:00.003-05:00

We brought Theo home Sunday afternoon.

I would like to show you a photo of her, but I don't have one because she won't come out from under the armchair in the sewing room. She's eating and going to the bathroom though, so I'm not worried. It just means that there is a delay in adding chaos to the rest of the house, and that I will spend more time in the sewing room so that she gets used to me.

The other cats are quite put out that they aren't allowed in that room anymore. It gets the best afternoon sunlight, and has lots of yarn to roll around in. They've been digging at the carpet outside the door, completely ruining what what already only mostly ruined.

Oh well, we we're going to get our security deposit back anyway.

November Morning Commute in Southwestern Ontario

2008-11-20T08:34:00.004-05:00

Low clouds the colour of cream of mushroom soup leak flurries to add to the blanket of the first snow that already covers the fields on either side of the two-lane highway I drive twice daily.

Evergreen trees carry a mantle of soft whiteness, while the branches of the leafless trees are limned in silver, a few stray red leaves turned into a pink candyfloss confection.

I chat with a stranger as we fill our tanks, discussing winter jackets, the price of gas in the '80's (playing a game of "I remember when" one-upmanship), and whether the switch from imperial to metric was a government conspiracy (him: yes, me: no).

A different stranger, a lovely blonde woman, stops me just outside the parking lot: I have forgotten to replace my gas cap, and she has fixed it for me.

I get to work late, but safe, thanks to my four new tires, and schlepp my stuff to my desk, including my shoes in a bag, because it is November in Southwestern Ontario, and time to wear winter boots.

Anarchy, that I run!

2008-11-18T09:29:00.003-05:00

This Sunday we will be expanding our family again.

People with more than two children have said to me that they suppose multiple animals are like multiple kids: the jump from one to two is a huge change, but after that, it's a relatively small one. When you've already got four cats and a dog, what's one more kitty?

The last time we did this, about a year ago, Roo, an elderly Shepherd-Husky cross moved in with us. The time before that, just over two years ago, we brought home Zoe, a little black girl kitty, who turned out to be a boy.

On Sunday we will be bringing Theo home. She is an 8-year old, front-declawed, grey and white kitty, with a boy's name. This balances out the boy cat with a girl name thing quite nicely. Since she is about the same age as Sabre and Callie, I am hoping that they will get along. The hierarchy in our house has been out of whack since we go Zoe, so really, it's anyone's game.

We do know for certain that neither Fred nor I are actually in charge of anything. You know what they say: Dogs have owners, cats have staff. Of course, our dog thinks she's a cat.

I'll have photos of the new member of management once she arrives and has a couple of days to settle in.

Monday, yes?

2008-11-17T08:39:00.004-05:00

Here is what happens when you aren't used to taking work home on the weekend.

You forget until Sunday night that you had meant to do work, and decide to just leave it and go in a little early Monday. You also feel like 4 kinds of hell, so decide to put off laundry, cleaning the kitchen and making husband's food for the week until Monday night, and instead start knitting a scarf for your mom while watching five episodes of True Blood.

You forget to take your work back to work with you Monday morning, and you have a 9 am meeting, so you can't make the hour long round trip home to get your work until after the meeting, meaning that you won't get to start on your work until about 11 am.

You will have to stay late at work to get everything in for the Tuesday morning deadline, meaning that the housework is going to keep you up until well past eleven, and that tomorrow you will feel like 4 kinds of hell again.

Who needs sleep?

2008-11-15T06:42:00.001-05:00

Since Daylight Savings Time ended a couple of weeks ago, I have been totally out of whack.

The other night I went to bed at 8:30 and slept until 6:15 the next morning, and was still tired when I got up.

Today, I woke up at 5:30, ready to go, after going to bed at midnight.

I would just like to say, "Body? WTF?"

Knitting Meme

2008-11-14T11:50:00.000-05:00

Leone didn't tag me, but I stole it anyway (way back in March). And I "fixed" it to be the way I like it, so if you're a knitter who wants to do the meme, I suggest you go steal it from Leone too, so you get the unadulterated form.

Have you knit....

Afghan - No
I-cord - Yep. I used it to top off baby hats. I also knit i-cord around my i-Pod headphones.
Garter stitch - That would be the very first thing I knit
Knitting with metal wire - I've considered this, but I'm afraid of damaging my needles or myself. Ok, mostly myself.
Shawl - I've got two on the needles now. One is languishing because I need to muck with the gauge otherwise I'll run out of yarn. The other is a circular shawl, and I am having challenges with it.
Stockinette stitch - Yup!
Socks: top-down - all of them so far
Socks: toe-up - tried it twice, but haven't gotten comfortable enough with it to actually finish a pair this way
Knitting with camel yarn - No, my mother is keeping it all for herself. She won't share her quiviut, or her vicuna either. *pout*
Mittens: Cuff-up - Nope
Mittens: Tip-down - Nope
Hat - a bajillion baby hats, only one for adults so far
Knitting with silk a fine strand with wool for socks - Nope. Wool, bamboo, tencel/merino, mohair/merino, but no silk.
Moebius band knitting - not yet
Participating in a KAL - I've signed up for them, but haven't actually managed to knit along at the same time as other people
Sweater - Two on the needles right now
Drop stitch patterns - Not yet
Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn - Yes
Slip stitch patterns - Not entire patterns, but always on the heels of my socks.
Knitting with banana fiber yarn - No
Twisted stitch patterns - again, not entire patterns, but I've used them in sock cuffs.
Knitting with bamboo yarn - Yes
Charity knitting - Not yet
Knitting with soy yarn - No
Cardigan - Both sweaters currently on the needles are cardigans; one for me, one for Fred
Toy/doll clothing - Toy, yes, clothing for toys, no
Baby items - Yeppers
Knitting with your own handspun yarn - Still working on learning that spinning thing, but someday I will
Slippers - No
Designing knitted garments - Not yet. I made up the design for Fred's never-ending purple scarf from a stitch dictionary, made-up the design for a pair of socks based on a fingerless glove pattern, and made up a baby blanket based on mitred squares, but I wouldn't call any of it designing.
Cable stitch patterns - Yes, love cables
Lace patterns - Yes, love lace
Publishing a knitting book - Bah hahahaha!
Scarf - Yes
Teaching a child to knit - No, but I have promised to teach my neighbour. She's 38. Does that count?
Knitting to make money - Pfft.
Buttonholes - Not official ones.
Knitting with alpaca - Yes
Fair Isle knitting - No.
Dying with plant colours - When I was a tiny person I used to help my mom, but nothing as a grown up.
Knitting items for a wedding - No
Household items (dishcloths, washcloths, tea cosies…) - No
Knitting socks (or other small tubular items) - Yes
Knitting with someone else’s handspun yarn - I have some of my mom's waiting for a project to jumpt out at me.
Holiday related knitting - Yup
Teaching a male how to knit - No
Bobbles - Yes, but possibly never again.
Knitting for a living - Again, I say pfft.
Knitting with cotton - Cotten blend
Knitting smocking - No idea what this is.
Dying yarn - With Kool Aid only so far.
Knitting art - No, but I'm considering doing some freeform
Fulling/felting - Yes, although I'm not very good at it
Knitting with wool - Yes
Kitchener stitch - Sock toes!
Purses/bags - No
Knitting with beads - Need to learn this.
Swatching - Mostly
Long Tail CO - Pretty much the only one I use.
Knitting with self patterning/self striping/variegated yarn - Socks
Stuffed toys - Yes
Knitting with cashmere (mmm, cashmere!) - No
Darning - No.
Jewelry - Not knitted stuff.
Knitting with synthetic yarn - Yes.
Writing a pattern - No.
Gloves - only fingerless
Intarsia - Yes
Knitting with linen - No
Knitting for preemies - Just the one my friend had
Short rows - Yes
Cuffs/fingerless mits/armwarmers - yes
Pillows - No
Knitting a pattern from an online knitting magazine - All the frickin' time
Rug - No.
Knitting on a loom - No
Knitting a gift - yes
Knitting for a pet? - yes
Shrug/bolero/poncho - Yes, although it didn't work out well and is destined to become a cat bed
Knitting with dog/cat hair accidentally or on purpose? - Accidently. Four cats, one dog.
Knitting in public - As often as possible.
Knitting with buffalo yarn - No.
Dyeing with food dye/drink mixes - Yes. You know, this would have been shorter without all the redundant questions.
Dyeing with chemical dyes (acid, etc) - No.

Well, if you read the whole thing, you're either a knitter, or you really, really like me.

Money, money, money

2008-11-13T12:49:00.003-05:00

Warning: this is a getting it off my chest post. I'm not looking for advice, just needing to get this out there.

I feel like we have been having money problems for, well, forever.

We've borrowed from friends and family, last year I got a second job for six months, husband has done some overtime (although not as much as I wish he would), I've cut back my personal spending just about as much as I can and we're still sinking like the Titanic.

The thing is, we both have a job. We both make good money (although I did take a substantial pay cut to not have to travel into Toronto to work). I very much don't want to have to go to work at Wendy's but it's looking like that's going to be my next step.

We have debt. Two cars, my student loan, a personal loan and some back taxes. It's not an incredible amount of money, but it's enough that every month is a struggle to make rent, or to pay hydro. A while ago we had our home phone cut off. I've spun it to some friends, and especially to family, that we decided to just switch over to cell phones, like it was some hip-with-the-era decision. Really, it filled me with shame, and terror, that at the age of 35, I still don't have it together.

Lack of brain...

2008-11-12T13:01:00.003-05:00

...means that today I revert to the meme. From Allison and Jenn. Also, I'm terrible at following directions.

Use one word to describe or answer the following list. (In the comments is fine - or on your blog if you like and then let us know to go look!)

1.Your house?
Rented 3-bedroom townhouse

2.Your significant other?
Fred, my husband of about 15 months

3. Your hair?
Blondey-reddy, from a box, and the longest it's been in years.

4. Your family?
This is harder than you'd think.
Blood: mom and Frank (although he's not technically blood, I suppose), dad, myriad aunts, uncles and cousins, Fred's parents and sister, etc.
Choice: Fred, Mom and Frank, my ladies from tea plus Lesley, Leslie and Calli, Dad, Aunt Betty and Uncle Jimmy, my cousin Irene, and the furballs.

5. Favorite place to eat?
Yoshi's

6. Your favorite thing you can see right now?
Photos of kitties on my desk.

7. Where is your cell phone?
On my desk.

8. Your favorite drink?
Cold: milk
Hot: tea

9.Your dream/goal?
To be a midwife, and sell jewellery.

10. What Room you are in?
Cubicle

11. Your hobby?
Knitting, beading, cross-stitching

12. Your fear?
Falling.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
I'd like to be a mom, working as a doula, maybe working on owning a home in the country, instead of renting one in the city.

14. Where were you last night?
At tea.

15. Something that you aren’t?
Skinny.

16. Pie?
Yes, please!

17. Wish list item?
Just one? Hm. A winter driving kit for my car.

18. TV show?
Current: Bones
Forever: Buffy

19. Last thing you did?
Played in Excel.

20. What are you wearing?
Sweater, black pants, hand-knit sokcs, black shoes.

21. Vacation spot?
Cottage in the woods, near water.

22. Your pets?
Four cats: Sabre, Callie, Nova and Zoe
One dog: Roo

23. A best friend?
See that chosen family list above.

24. Your life?
Pretty damn good.

25. Your mood?
Tired today, but happy.

26. Missing someone?
My Jimmy Dean cast.

27. Your car?
2002 Chevy Cavalier, red.

28. Something you’re not wearing.
Earrings.

29. Your favorite store?
Much as it shames me to admit it, I love the Disney Store. I also love the farm store at my crop share farm in an equal amount.

30.Best memory?
August 3, 2007, doing photos after we got married. So much fun, even though it was stupid hot.

In Flanders Fields

2008-11-11T08:44:00.000-05:00

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead.
Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Weekend Round-up

2008-11-10T08:29:00.002-05:00

Friday night I went out dancing for a girlfriend's birthday (I was driving, so didn't drink). We closed the bar and had a great time. Saturday I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. It turns out that I don't bounce back from being out that late quite the way I used to.

Fred was gone most of the weekend. It was the closing weekend of the controlled deer hunt, so he was out at my Mom's farm, sitting outside in the wind/rain/hail/cold. Not my idea of a fun time, but he enjoyed himself. One of the members of his party brought down a buck, so now I get to learn how to cook venison. Any suggestions?

Yesterday afternoon one of my friends hosted a Mary Kay facial class. We had a very good time, and booked three more classes with the consultant over the next few months. We're going to do a beach party theme at the end of January (focuses on total body skin care and no-sun tanning alternatives), a before and after glamour make-over mid-December, and another make-over session in a couple of weeks in which the consultant has agreed to figure out what kind of goth pin-up looks we can come up with. I'm betting Mary Kay never envisaged that use for her make-up!

Finally, I picked up a new yoga dvd, produced by Ali McGraw. Wowee! There are some bendy bits in there that I didn't know my body was supposed to be able to do! It's a 53 minute long dvd, but I didn't feel like it took that long. It's going to be a while (like, years) before I'm at the level where I can complete many of the poses, but I liked it enough that I'll keep trying.

I like food.

2008-11-07T11:30:00.003-05:00

This really shouldn't come as a surprise, or as news.

I usually prefer healthy food: fresh veggies, lean meats, whole grain breads. I take pleasure in the taste and texture, and I love to spend a day in the kitchen making soups and breads and pies.

I prefer that food be food. Organic and local, if possible. Not from a box, or having ingredients that I have to sound out by syllable. No sugar in things that don't need sugar, and if it does have sugar added, I like real sugar, not HFCS or something similar.

But...

There are some "foods" that call to me, that fall completely outside of what I consider to be food (hence the quotation marks back there). Kraft Dinner, Cool Ranch Doritos and street meat are the top three offenders. You're all likely familiar with the first two, but the latter needs some explanation.

In Toronto (and I expect, in other large cities as well, but Toronto is where my experience lies) there are vendors who dot the downtown street throughout the Spring, Summer and Autumn. They sell hot dogs, freshly barbequed, right there in front of you. They have all beef, all chicken, sausages and veggie dogs. They crisp the buns on the grill. They offer a wide range of condiments from ketchup to sauerkraut. The scent of grilling meat wafts up the street, and it was a weekly treat to get a hot dog for all of $2. Who knows what's actually in the hot dogs, or how often they change the mayonnaise? When was the last time that guy behind the grill washed his hands? It's a gamble, a crapshoot, totally against the way I try to eat.

And yet...

Yesterday, while walking back to my desk from a meeting, I smelled something familiar. I looked around, and there on the side of the road, was a street meat cart. It's been over a year since I stopped working in Toronto, and therefore have had the chance to partake. Yesterday I had my usual lunch: healthy sammich, homemade soup, veggies, organic yoghurt, an apple. Today, I left out the sammich while packing my lunch. I have my $4 (just in case it costs more in Waterloo than in Toronto). I am about to go for a walk across the road. Wish me luck with the mayonnaise.

Pretties!

2008-11-06T13:26:00.003-05:00

Last night I spent a few hours making a bracelet for my friend for her birthday tomorrow:

I really enjoy doing this and would like to try selling some of my work on etsy, but I'm having a hard time figuring how to do the pricing. I know that it should be materials + labour, and take into consideration what the market will bear, but I just can't seem to get that down to an actual number. Anyone out there who runs a business (Laurie, Meg, Annika, you all spring to mind) have any pointers on how to figure this out?

Making a brighter day

2008-11-05T10:30:00.006-05:00

I've been thinking all morning about what I should write about today. Do I write about Barack Obama? Do I write about my disappointment that Prop 8 in California passed? Do I write about my feelings about politics, and the state of the world?

Do I write about the fact that my weigh-in yesterday didn't show me the numbers I wanted, or that I've stepped up my exercise, or that I need to remember to find my tape measure so that I can track my quest for a healthier body that way? Do I write about my struggle with not labeling my food choices as good or bad, and working on not being ashamed of the food choices I make?

Well, at some point, I'll likely write about all of it (and I was worried I wouldn't have anything to say! Ha!), but today didn't feel like the right day for an in depth look at any of it, as I'm suffering from a bit of an emotional hang-over. So I wondered, what the heck would I write about?

Then, around about 10:30 this morning I wandered into the kitchen at work to rinse out my yoghurt cup and I saw the woman who does the cleaning in my office building. I am ashamed to say that I don't know her name, but we have been exchanging pleasantries every weekday for the past six months. When she was gone for two weeks a couple of months ago, I worried that I wouldn't see her again, that she had been transferred to a different building. When she came back, I told her that I had missed her, and found that I meant it. She had been on vacation to South America, her place of birth, to see her family. It was the first time she'd been home in fifteen years, and she told me how much she enjoyed seeing her mother and siblings, and her daughter who had stayed behind when she came to Canada.

This morning, she said to me "You weren't here last week, and I missed you." It brightened my day to know that I am a part of her world, in the same way that she is a part of mine. I think that tomorrow I will introduce myself properly.

ETA on Friday: her name is Marta.

Ooops!

2008-11-04T09:47:00.000-05:00

My friend tigerleo challenged me to NaBloPoMo, and then I double-dared her.

Well, she wins because despite moving, she managed to post on November 2, while I am only getting to my first post on the 4th.

Anyhoodle, I have my reservations about this, because I'm not certain I can come up with something to talk about every single day, and because I'm not usually on the computer on weekends (I have to wrestle it away from my husband, or get up early...), but I am going to give it a shot.

I have a couple of memes saved up, and some posts that I never got around to writing, and if all else fails, I can take pictures of the animals.

In other, much more important news, today is election day in the US. If you're in the US, go vote. If you're not in the US, and wish you could still have a say go to If the World Could Vote and cast yours (thanks to Johanna B for the link).

One thing I find interesting about the American election is that they get a chance to vote on policy. In Canada, you vote for your local representative, and that's it aside from the very occasional referendum that gets called, but those don't happen at the same time as our federal elections do. Here's a short list of some of the propositions/acts/amendments/questions that US citizens can vote on in their regions. That list is by no means comprehensive, and comes from a viewpoint of feminist leaning, but it gives people outside the US an idea of the kinds of things they have the chance to directly affect.

I'll be checking the results tonight, and hoping that the promised change really comes.

Personal Vending Machine

2008-10-21T09:03:00.003-04:00

One of the perqs at work is that we have subsidized vending machines (yes, this is actually listed as a perq in our benifits rundown). This means that instead of paying $1.10 for a bag of chips or a chocolate bar that takes me 1.5 seconds to inhale, we only have to pay fifty cents. Which is great...except that I have been spending up to $1.50 a day on junk, resulting in me feeling bad about myself (food issues, yay!), and also throwing away my spending money.

My friend suggested I set up a personal vending machine instead. I have stocked my desk with some small cans of tuna, 100 calorie granola bars and chippy things, weight watchers cakes, and some cheese and crackers thingers. I also brought in a coffee can, and put a photo of the Slayer Scythe on it. Every time I want a snack, I pay myself the fifty cents, and hopefully by next year I will have collected enough to buy the replica to hang on my wall.

The Roar of the Greasepaint - The Smell of the Crowd

2008-10-17T08:43:00.005-04:00

Last night we began the second of three weekend-long runs of "Come Back to the 5 & dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean".

Although I have been performing steadily since graduation from university, it was mostly in outdoor venues, save for one very negative experience, and I had forgotten what it is like to be under lights. I had forgotten that you have to work differently to reach your audience when you can't make eye contact with them. I had forgotten just how much I love doing this.

Edna Louise has been such a wonderful challenge for me. She is sweet, but doesn't get the joke (any joke, ever) and is a doormat (for the most part). I spend a lot of time on stage not saying much, instead reacting to the stuff that is going on, the stories that the other characters are telling. I have re-learned how to listen on stage, to both the dialogue and the subtext, and how to use my body to convey emotions, as I also spend a fair amount of time not directly facing the audience. I have had to learn not to get the joke, and how to see the world out of someone else's eyes. So many of the characters I've played in the last ten years have been a reflection or inflation of who I am, so playing some one not-me has given me a stretch that I needed, and has made me so happy. I also find that I'm listening better when I'm not on stage, which is making me happy too, as I think I was losing that skill a little, especially the listening to subtext part.

I have had the opportunity to work with a fabulous cast and crew, who showed me that my fears about returning to community theatre were totally unfounded. Best of all I got to work with Trevor, a director who knows and loves this show even better than I do. He's fun, and fabulous, and has done wonderful things for my ego. He also takes a damn fine photo.

Shameless Self Promotion

2008-08-27T13:36:00.002-04:00

If you're planning to be in Southwest Ontario in October, come see me in this play!

I've been having a wonderful time so far, and we're only at the part of the rehearsal process where we figure out where we're standing on the stage, and when we move. The cast is full of very talented people, and I'm loving the director to bits. It's been about 3 years since the last time I did theatre, and it feels fabulous to be walking the boards again.

Lunch!

2008-08-22T12:24:00.002-04:00

Today's lunch is a variation of my perennial favourite.

Sammich:
Oatmeal bread from a local bakery, with cheese and ham and some green tomato pickle and a bit of mayo

Salad:
Two kinds of lettuce, green pepper, snap peas (that I picked myself), tomato, a bit of herbed goat cheese and Apple Mustard Delight dressing, all from a local farm.

I really, really love summer time.

The Pratchgan is Done!

2008-08-13T11:07:00.004-04:00

In this post from February I talked about The Pratchgan, and showed you my humble square.

If you click on the title of this post, you can get to Ramblings of a Yarn Junkie, the blog of the wonderful woman who was the heart and soul of this operation.

Here's her photo of the Pratchgan, in all it's glory:

Hopefully, she will be able to hand it to the man himself later this month.

There's been talk of doing a Pratchgan knit along (where as a group, we would knit squares designed by each other, so that we all wind up with our own afghans at the end of it). Given my group of friends' love for Pratchett, I may wind up knitting squares for years!

From left to right, that's Tiffany Aching, Magrat, Granny Weatherwax, and Nanny Ogg. Other attendees at that particular party included Lord Vetinari, The Cheerfulness Fairy, Death (with his guest, the Death of Rats) and the Luggage. Yes, we have a lot of fun. *grin*

Bitter Music

2008-08-08T21:54:00.004-04:00

I am making a mixed cd for a recently single friend. She's into hard rock, skulls and leather, and is waffling out of the "righteous anger" phase into the "I sent him an email" phase and we're hoping to get past this part and into the "what did I see in him anyways?" phase sooner rather than later.

While noodling around on the intertoobs for song ideas, I came across this: Cold and Bitter, which ends with this paragraph:

"Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
No matter how badly your relationship turned out, it's unlikely that your lover lost his soul, became a vicious killer, tried to send the world spinning into hell, then regained his soul moments before you had to impale him on a sword to save the universe. Lost and broken, Buffy wanders away from her hometown of Sunnydale at the end of Season Two, taking a bus to Los Angeles as this tearjerking song plays - "I know I can love you much better than this..." Yeah, I think you probably could. Just don't stab him this time."

Made me giggle.

So, here's the tentative song list:
Bloodletting - Concrete Blonde
Who Knew - Pink
Not a Pretty Girl - Ani DiFranco
Thorn in my Side - Eurythmics
I Don't Care - Apocalyptica feat. Adam Gontier
Pain - Four Star Mary
Laid - James
Ballad for Dead Friends - Dashboard Prophets
Hate Me - Blue October
Juke-Joint Jezebel - KMFDM
Wearing Me Down - Dashboard Prophets
Bullet with Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins
Machinehead - Bush
Everybody Knows - Concrete Blonde
What I Did For Love - Me First and the Gimme Gimme's
Time of Your Life - Green Day

I deliberately left out stuff like "You Oughta Know" because she's already got that one and similar songs on a different "Bitter" compilation I made for another friend a couple of years back, and I'm aiming for this to be on the harder side of things, Eurythmics and Ani DiFranco notwithstanding.

So, any suggestions?

Weekend Update

2008-07-21T09:44:00.007-04:00

My weekend started (sort-of) 12:15 am Friday morning, when the husband and I went to see The Dark Knight. Woo! Definitely worth the lack of sleep! I napped before and after the movie, and then went into work on Friday, where I mainlined coffee all day. The movie was dark and wonderful and creepy and exciting, and I'm so glad I went.

Saturday we went into the Big City to visit friends and eat sushi (yum!) then we got together back at home with friends to watch UFC. How I went from someone who hated sushi and wresting, to someone who will drive 1.5 hours to eat sushi and will spend 4 hours watching men pummel each other until they bleed/pass out is beyond me.

The very most exciting part of the weekend was yesterday when I spent the afternoon making cheese with my friend semicrunchymom.

We started with milk (and a couple of other things from the cheesemaking kit she bought):

And ended up with mozzarella:

Then we started out with milk again (see previous picture; it looked exactly the same), and ended up with ricotta:

It was very exciting to see the change from milk to curds and whey. It was one of those things that happens in moment, much like the moment when whipping cream turns into butter and butter milk. It was a lovely afternoon, and a fantastic reminder that cooking is really just math and chemistry.

Happy Dance

2008-07-08T22:48:00.003-04:00

One of the best things I've seen in a very long time:
Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

Take a tissue, 'cause you'll cry while you're laughing. You might just get up and dance yourself.

Either way, it's truly joyful.

A woman in harmony with her spirit...

2008-06-26T20:26:00.003-04:00

"A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense, and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself, and only herself." ~ Maya Angelou

This week at work our whole team - all 15 of us - have been face-to-face for the first time, ever. We have had people visiting from Halifax (Nova Scotia, Canada), Irving (Texas, USA), Egham (England) and Singapore. It's been a pretty neat experience all around.

Yesterday morning we did an ice-breaker, a get-to-know-you kind of exercise in which we had to answer questions anonymously with one or two words and then guess who had filled out which form when the answers were read out loud. I described myself using the words that came to me first, not over-thinking it, and was the first one finished. When it came time to guess, I was consistently guessed for almost every submission, except for the ones using descriptors like "sporty" or "adventurous", and my own.

Finally, on the fourth time my sheet was read, and after 12 of the 15 profiles had been accurately guesses, they put me together with my submission.

I've been trying to figure out since whether I don't project myself the same way I see myself, or if in the 8 1/2 months I've been there, people haven't been paying much attention, or if it's some combination of the two.

This has caused me to really think about how I see myself, and how I think I project "me". I've come back to the quote at the top of this post. That may not be quite how I'm doing things right now, but it's certainly where I'm heading: to being me, and only me.

Father's Day Lunch

2008-06-16T09:31:00.003-04:00

For a number of different reasons, I have been spending more time experimenting with food the past few months. Yesterday, I decided to take ideas from Angry Chicken, my Weight Watchers meeting and Noirbettie and throw them together in one meal. I was so excited by it that it wasn't until half way through lunch that I remembered to take a picture for the Today's Homemaker Flickr pool!

I roasted beets and russet potatoes in some olive oil with some garlic (this is the part from Angry Chicken). While that was going, I bbq'd some bacon wrapped steaks, and made a viniagrette out of 1/8 of a cup each of maple syrup (the real stuff), apple cider vinegar and olive oil, about 5 strawberries and a couple of slices of red onion (blended using a hand blender so that it was all frothy and pink). I tossed the viniagrette and roasted potatos and beets with more sliced strawberries, spinach and boston lettuce, then sliced the steaks and put them on top of the salad, and sprinked the whole thing with some sunflower seeds.

The bun on the side of my bowl came from the same local farm the lettuce, spinach and straberries came from, and the butter is the stuff I made using Noirbettie's post about making butter.

Yum!

Short List

2008-06-09T09:04:00.003-04:00

Boo:

Weather is making me cranky and icepick headache stabby
Allergies are out of control and otc remedies are not cutting it
Certain websites don't want to load at home now that husband put in funny router thing
My iPod sounds like it's playing underwater.

Bleh.

Yay:

We have air-conditioning at home, saving both people and animals from expiring in crazy, all-of-a-sudden-it's-August heat
Husband has hit his more social time of the year which means that we're now spending time with friends together
We're going on vacation in about six weeks to a cottage on a lake
I got cast in Guelph Little Theatre's fall production of "Welcome Back To The 5 & dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean"!

Woohoo!

note from roo

2008-05-02T09:27:00.003-04:00

i decided that today i will tell you all about what we do in the morning at our house1

sometimes i have to stand at the bottom of the stairs and cry because it has been forever since fred went to bed and no one has come to see me, but most mornings i am still sleepin when angela comes downstairs i am always happy to see her, and i do a little dance to tell her that she lets me go out the back door and then i get a cookie, but i don't always want to eat it right away because i know there are going to be better things than cookies in the kitchen soon

i always help while angela puts on her coffee and gets out her cereal, and i watch her eat verrrrry carefully to make sure that she doesnt forget to let me lick the bowl when she is done she and fred call this prewash i dont know what that means, but thats ok with me, cause i just like to lick dishes

after breakfast comes the really good part of the morning when angela makes her lunch for the day i help her get stuff out of the fridge then i stand on her feet under the counter just incase anything falls on the floor angela calls me hooverdog then and i dont know what that means either, but she says im good at keeping that part of the floor clean, at least so this is why this time is best, angela makes herself something that she puts lettuce on and she lets me have the crunchy bits thats good, but its not my favourite my very favourite is carrots111 if angela makes her lunch and doesn't give me a carrot i go woowooowooo to let her know that i am very unhappy

today was extra extra special, because there was one piece of cheese left over and angela said i was being soo good so she let me have it111111

after all that angela gets ready to go away sometimes i try to go with her, or not let her go, but she says she has to go , or she wont be able to pay for more carrots

anyway, i hope you are all having a good day
bye111

roo

You may call me "Mistress"

2008-04-23T10:01:00.002-04:00

Two of my very dear friends will be marrying each other in about a year and a half. Last night at tea (yay, Tuesday) I was very honoured to be asked to be their Mistress of Ceremonies.

They're actually going to give me a microphone! Wooooohoooo!

(Just kidding, guys, you know I'll behave myself.)

So excited! *grin*

Little Things

2008-04-22T07:34:00.005-04:00

Things I do:

bring my coffee to work in my own cup
bring my lunch packed in reusable tupperware, or re-used baggies
pack my dishwasher as full as possible before running it
use cloth or reusable bags for grocery shopping
separate cardboard out for recycling
hold off as long as I can get away with it before turning on air conditioning/furnace
use biodegradable bags to pick up after the dog
use some household and personal cleaners that are friendlier than others
use some energy efficient light bulbs
use as much recycled household paper products as possible
eat locally grown or organic food
I quit smoking last December, reducing the chemicals I'm putting into my body, into the air, and the butts that were being thrown away

Things I plan to start doing:

keep replacing old lightbulbs with the energy efficent kind as they wear out
keep replacing household/personal cleaners with friendlier options, and look into natural alternatives where possible (like vinegar as a glass cleaner)
put up a note saying that I don't want junk mail/newspaper/flyers delivered to my mailbox
start separating recycling beyong cardboard, and take it to the dump myself (our townhouse complex only has two dumpsters available; one for cardboard, one for everything else)
find out if I can set up a composter in my back yard
figure out a way to collect rainwater
cut down on pre-packaged food, make an even bigger effort to eat local
request a new fridge/stove/dishwasher from the landlords when we renew our lease so that we can get more energy efficient models
take an extra bag with me to pick up garbage when I walk the dog

I'm sure there are more things that I could do, and likely a couple of things I'm already doing that I can't think of right now, but this is a pretty good starting point, I think.

I used to have a t-shirt that said "We don't inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our children." That was a good shirt.

Bye bye FB!

2008-04-17T12:13:00.002-04:00

I've just gone and deactivated my Facebook account. I had a virus propagate from my account last weekend and it upset me enough that it soured the whole experience for me. I contacted one person that I want to keep in touch with and don't have any other way to contact, then deactivated the thing. I've been neglecting The Watcher's Diary lately anyway.

Tuesdays are my therapy

2008-03-31T12:01:00.002-04:00

Usually on Tuesday evenings I get together with girlfriends and we have tea, and chat and sometimes do crafts, and sometimes do other stuff. There is always laughter, and sometimes there's some crying and hugging, and sometimes we have cake.

I firmly believe that it is my Tuesday nights that have gotten me through some of the crappiest parts of the last few years, and I'm just not the same when I miss out on them. That said, I won't be going tomorrow night.

Tomorrow I will be leaving work at lunchtime to drive into Toronto. I will be visiting with friends from my old job, then I will be attending the Yarn Harlot's latest book launch at night. There will be space for 500 knitters. I'm betting the space will be full to overflowing.

Next Tuesday I will get to tell my friends all about it, and although not one of them is a knitter, they will listen to my story and be happy for me that I am happy.

I love Tuesday.

Comedy Update

2008-03-28T12:51:00.002-04:00

I heard from the ex-husband today.

His stand-up gig went wonderfully last night. The audience loved him, the host gave him extra time, the performer after him said that he was a hard act to follow, and a professional comedian that we once saw perform together was there, and complimented him on his set.

I'm so proud of him, and totally not surprised.

Since I got the update from him, I think that if he gets a chance to do this again, I may just go and see. :-)

Sometimes...

2008-03-27T21:47:00.004-04:00

...you think you're done with something; that you've healed, that you've moved on. Then you hear a song, and you hear it, really, really hear it for the first time, even though you've sung it a bajillion times, and it sends you into a tailspin (apologies to Sarah McLachlan for only quoting some of the lyrics here; these are the ones that hit me hardest).

Through the years I've grown to love you
Though your commitment to most would offend
But I stuck by you holding on with my foolish pride
Waiting for you to give in...
You never really tried or so it seems
I've had more than myself to blame
I've had enough of trying everything
And this time it is the end...

In the terms of endearment
In the terms of the life that you love
In the terms of the years that pass you by
In the terms of the reasons why

There's no more coming back this way
The path is overgrown and strewn with thorns
They've torn the life-blood from your naked eyes
Cast aside to be forlorn...

Funny, how it seems that all I've tried to do
Seemed to make no difference to you at all...

Apologies have been made, as well as a tentative peace, and I was puzzled by the whole thing coming when it did, and wondered about the reasons, but I took it (as I always have) at face value, despite all past evidence that I am a naive fool, and then got on with things because while it was unexpected, it was no longer a huge thing in my daily life.

Now, this hit me out of nowhere, and made me marvel at the layers of the psyche. I've had a good cry, and a cup of tea, and I'm feeling level again, which is good. It's just a scar that I didn't expect to be laid open at 9 pm on a random Thursday.

Why my mother is awesome

2008-03-26T10:37:00.003-04:00

I sent her this email:

"hello angela's mum, this is roo.

angela says that when people do things for you that make you happy, you should say thank you, so I wanted to say thank you to you and frank for sending the long red rope home with angela.

on monday when she came home from work, instead of letting me out in the back yard to bark at the kids like normal, she got out the long red rope. at first i thought we were going to play a pulling game and i tried to take the end and run around the kitchen with it, but angela got me calmed down and we went out the front door. we walked through the parking lot and down to the street and i was sooooo good even though i was very excited and i pulled a little, but since the long red rope is so strong angela was able to help me understand that pulling isn't a good choice, especially when there are small people around who get scared easily. we got to a light and had to wait, and i even sat down for angela, which is something neither of us could figure out how to do with that other silly little string thing. finally, we got to a field!

i got angela to take some pictures of me in the field after she was done falling over in the snow (i helped her get up, i am a good dog!) so you can see how happy i am now that i can go to the field.we walked back home, and i barked at another dog but didn't try to chase it even though it was trying to chase me and angela said that i was a good dog.when we got inside, i stood still for angela while she cleaned me off. playing in fields can be dirty! then i got a cookie, and defended my cookie from the cats, and ran around the kitchen and living room a lot and barked and jumped up and down. angela said that after a 45 minute walk like that i should have been tired but i was not, nope nope nope, so we played tug the rope with the proper rope toy and then i got a carrot while angela made her dinner. later on i did get a little sleepy, so i had nap on the couch. it was a good day, and angela says she is going to take me to the park tonight, where the snow might not be so deep and she might not fall over in it plus there is a garbage can there so she doesn't have to carry the poop bag in her pocket. yay!"

This is what my mom sent back:

"Hello Roo: Frank and I enjoyed your email and were so happy to see the pictures of you in the snow. We are glad to know that you are a good dog and look after Angela when she can't stand up. Sometimes it is harder for people because they only have 2 legs.

Love Angela's Mom"

It makes me so happy that get gets me. :-)

Oh, and here are the pictures from our Monday walk.

Yarn Barf

2008-03-20T08:51:00.005-04:00

Last night I attempted to wind some yarn into cakes from skeins in order to start knitting Fred some socks. I don't own a swift, and I didn't have an extra pair of arms around, so I thought I'd rig something up using a chair and a vacuum cleaner.

It didn't work quite the way I'd hoped.

Plus, I had "help".

I got frustrated, and gave myself a headache, so I went to bed.

Tonight is my fourth last shift at Giant Bookstore, so it's going to have to wait until Friday for me to tackle it. Unless Zoe can fix it while I'm at work...

Lunch love

2008-03-17T11:36:00.003-04:00

Today for lunch I have:
- tomato soup
- carrots
- yoghurt (raspberry-cranberry)
- a piece of Babybel light cheese
- a royal gala apple
- a red pepper and chipotle wrap that has light mayo, light marble cheese, Branston Pickle, romaine lettuce and low fat smoked ham in it

Yum! I am so happy it's lunch time.

To be a fly on the wall...

2008-03-12T07:25:00.002-04:00

Facebook is a wonderful tool. I have been able to connect with people I thought gone from my life forever. I have been able to keep in touch with friends who are far away.

Today, I found out that my ex-husband is going to do stand-up comedy! He's got a night booked at Yuk Yuk's in Hamilton at the end of March. This is one of those things where I wish very, very badly that I could go and see, but it just wouldn't be the right thing to do in the end.

I left him, I gave him up, and rightly so. We were never really good friends, and should never have married in the first place. All of that means that I don't get to go swanning back in and get involved whenever I like - it's just not fair.

The thing is though, my favourite part of him, indeed what attracted me to him in the first place, was his sense of humour. A bunch of us would go out for drinks, and he would hold court telling his funny stories. In the 6 years we were together, I heard his standards so often that I could have told them myself...but I didn't, because no one could tell the stories better than he did.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall, because I'd love to be able to laugh at his stories again. I am so very proud of him (which may seem strange, given that we haven't spoken since 2004 and the last email he sent me was over a year ago now), and I hope that this goes well for him.

Now who wants to go be a spy for me? ;-)

Messy.

2008-03-05T12:03:00.003-05:00

That's me: messy.

The past few months have been weird for me emotionally. I go from crying at my desk, at home, on the phone, heartbreaking unhappiness to being very happy and having a lot of fun, making jokes and being in a genuinely good mood, and back to being an emotional black hole again. The change can take place over a number of days or in a matter of hours.

I think a lot of it is winter, and snow. I'm just sooooo tired of the white. I'm craving green, and flowers and some blue sky. Some of it is working two jobs and my inability to say no to volunteer things (I don't mean the Heart and Stroke stuff, I mean the local production I wasn't going to be in and am now singing two songs and sewing three costumes for), and my general burning of my candle not just at both ends but straight up the middle as well. Some of it is my frustration with having even less time with my husband than I used to (working and rehearing on weekends is eating into the only time we have to spend together). There's money stress, still.

There are other things going on too. I am achy all the time; joints, muscles, back/head. I'm experiencing insomnia again like I was a while back, but I'm out of the sleep aids my former doctor prescribed. I'm comfort eating like crazy.

I stood in my friend's kitchen last night and cried because she's got a little shelf up with a few life-affirming kind of things on it; exactly the kind of thing I'd like to make for myself, but I just can't get motivated to put away my laundry, never mind pull together something like that.

I know I need to see a doctor, that there's something here beyond me just being tired, but there aren't any available in my city right now, and no-one at a walk-in clinic is going to help me.

I don't like myself when I'm like this, but when I don't like myself I don't think I deserve to be good to myself and do things that are good for me, and would in turn help me be the me I like. It's like a reverse catch-22. And it's messy.

Edited to add: Can you tell today isn't one of the good ones?

Giving back

2008-02-29T08:45:00.000-05:00

One of the myriad reasons I wanted to get a job closer to home was so that I could make some time to do volunteer work, and become more involved in my community. Back in November when I was labouring under the delusion that I would be finished with job #2 in mid-January, I signed up to canvass for the Heart and Stroke Foundation in February, which is Heart Month here.

February arrived, and I still had the extra job, and then I got a sinus infection, and there was a lot of snow, and I am a master procrastinator.

Finally, last night, I went out to ask my neighbours for donations. I expected to be turned away, or told off. I didn't expect to gather $50 in donations from 15 houses, in less than an hour. Today I'll be adding my own donation, as well as one from a co-worker.

Next February, no matter what else is going on, I plan to make this a priority. The H&S Foundation is an excellent cause and it's important to me to help them out, but it also helps me out, because I feel good about giving back.

I'm not a big fan of reality television for a number of reasons. For one thing, I don't feel there is a whole lot of reality there. Even voting shows like the Idol franchises (which I admit to being a guilty pleasure) are stacked by websites that attempt to convince people to vote for the worst contestants in order to skew the results. Mostly, I don't like reality shows because I don't like watching people be mean to each other. I even had to give up on the Amazing Race because of the negativity of one family a couple of seasons back.

Starting on Sunday, Oprah Winfrey ('cause she doesn't already have enough going, my goodness!) will be hosting her own reality show: Oprah's Big Give. The premise of this show is that she will give the contestants some money and they have to turn it into more money, and then give it all away. The person who gives away the most money over the course of the show is the winner. I'm pretty sure that they're all winners, really, 'cause giving back does that to you. I'll be watching the show, and hoping that competitiveness doesn't overshadow the goodness.

And the wisdom to know the difference

2008-02-25T07:59:00.001-05:00

I was privileged this weekend to support one of my friends on his first birthday. Saturday night we attended his AA meeting where he celebrated one year of sobriety. It's been a rough year for him, but he has succeeded, and we are so very, very proud of him!

It was much like meetings are portraying in the movies: a church basement, with plenty of coffee on hand and folks introducing themselves by saying "Hi, I'm _____ and I'm an alcoholic". Most people know the part of the Serenity Prayer that figures larely in the AA recovery program, but there was another part of the meeting that really spoke to me. It goes along with the "one day at a time" philosophy, but takes it a little further. The basic message is that you can't do anything about yesterday because it's already past, and tomorrow isn't here yet, so there's no point in worrying about that either. Today is the day that is important; today is where you can make a difference to yourself, to people around you, to the world at large. It's a good way of looking at things, and I'm going to try to add it to the stuff I'm working on.

In other news, I got a prescription for antibiotics on Friday, and my face is feeling better. Things are draining, which brings on a whole new level of ick, but I don't feel full of lava anymore, and I can think again which is nice.

My face hurts!

2008-02-21T09:20:00.002-05:00

I think I may have a sinus something going on. The front of my head hurts on the inside and I feel all puffy. And my ears keep popping. Wah!

I got myself a neti pot a while ago, but have been too lazy to use it regularly. When I get home from second job after 11 at night and still have to herd animals before I can fall into bed to get up at 6:15 (although at least it's not 5:15 anymore!), pouring salt water through my head isn't high on my list of things to do.

I have a hard time doing things that I know are good for me. I don't eat as well as I should because I don't want to make the time to make the food. I don't get as much excercise as I should because the few evenings I have to myself, I'd really rather just knit and drink tea. I can't figure out if it's laziness, or if it's that I don't think I'm important enough, or if I'm just too bleeding tired.

There have been inroads. Quietly, with no fanfare or quit meters, I quit smoking on Nov. 25. I can tell that this time it's for good. There is a different quality to it this time, and also the smell of cigarette smoke is making me gag these days.

A friend introduced me to Yoga Booty Ballet, and I love it! A minumum of once a week I am getting a half hour of cardio excercise. I go over to her house right after work (after stopping to let out the dog and feed the cats at home) and she feeds me dinner then we jump around in her living room. I also bought the dvds for myself and jump around in my own living room on days when I don't have to go to second job after first job. I've also been keeping an eye on portion sizes when I eat and have lost a few pounds in the past couple of weeks.

But I'd still rather sit on my couch and knit, and drink tea.

It's that time of year!

2008-02-14T09:19:00.000-05:00

Happy Lupercalia!

moar funny pictures

FOs

2008-02-05T12:23:00.000-05:00

Heh. It looks like I'm swearing up there, but I'm not. That's knitterly short form for Finished Objects.

Like this Wonder Woman set:

And this square for the Pratchgan:

The WW set was made as part of a gift for a team member at work who is moving to another team. If I make another one of these (and I'm pretty certain I'm going to have to) the crown needs to be a bit bigger and the wrist thingies need to be smaller.

The Pratchgan square is called "The Ankh" and is being mailed off to Fife to be attached to a bunch of other squares. When it's all done it will be sent off to Terry Pratchett. This is a project from the Ank-Morpork Knitter's Guild on Ravelry. When the news broke that Terry was diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimers, we wanted to do something for him to send our support. What to knitters do? They do this.

I have other things on the go, but can't seem to get them done, so for now they remain UFOs.

Dammit.

2008-01-22T18:07:00.001-05:00

Heath Ledger is dead. I've been sitting at my computer for about an hour puttering and crying. which is dumb, because it's not like he was a friend, or someone I'd ever met. But I liked his acting. And he was very pretty and one of the few actors I've ever had a major crush on. I'm looking forward to the Batman movie this summer where he plays the Joker, but it's going to feel different now...

It seems that he overdosed on prescription pills. Some sites are saying he had a substance abuse problem. Whatever. I'm sad for his family, and for his friends, and for his fans.

Too young. Dammit. RIP.

I can't think of a good title so this is what it is

2008-01-11T08:32:00.001-05:00

I am not a gardener-type. I have been known to kill cactus.

This morning I repotted the plants that sit on my desk.

Vera came from the grocery store. She was in a tiny little pot and marked down to 99 cents so I had to bring her home with me. She has flourished since then!

Rex is a Begonia Rex. When he is happy, he has beautiful purple and green leaves. He was very, very happy on my last desk, but all the moving around and a few weeks with too much sun and not enough water has made all his leaves fall off. He is still alive though, and I'm hoping that the new pot and soil will help him perk up.

Violet was a gift to me from a friend at my last job. While we were there she bloomed almost continuously. Since October she hasn't even shown a bud. Again, I'm hoping that a new pot and fresh soil will bring back her fatness.

I have set up that little corner with some of my angels. This is a good job and environment for me, but I'm still trying to find my really comfortable spot. I hope that fixing my plants up will bring some comfort to my space.

Want!

2007-12-13T16:44:00.000-05:00

I like the concept of the sock club. You sign up and pay your money, and every few weeks you get yarn and a pattern in the mail. There are many clubs out there, all with their own merits.

But.

This is the one I want with the burning passion of a thousand fiery suns:

The Flock Sock Club

Why? Because she (The Tsarina of Tsocks) designs stuff like this:

Cookie's Garden

They are works of art.

Ah, well. Maybe by 2009.

And since I can't end the post on a whine:

She wants a cookie!

Yum!

2007-12-10T10:18:00.001-05:00

I am having organic goat yoghurt with organic rasperry jam in it. It's so much better than regular fruity yooghurt!

Whee!

Yeah, that's about all I've got. Anything else I have to say would be all complain-y, so I'm just going to stop there.

Yum!

Excellent Perqs!

2007-11-16T08:19:00.000-05:00

So the new company I work for isn't giving us a Christmas party this year.

Instead, they booked the Air Canada Centre in Toronto for a private concert.

The Tragically Hip

And Van Halen!

They were both fantastic! Traffic getting into Toronto was super stupid so we missed about half of the Hip, but we still got to hear Bobcaygeon and 100th Meridian, and I found out from people who got there before us that they didn't play either of my favourite songs before we got there, so I don't really feel like I missed anything.

At intermission we discovered that we'd been sitting in the wrong section! That's why the photo of the Hip is at a different angle than the other ones. As it turned out our actual seats were even better than the ones we accidentally stole. I couldn't figure out how to get the BlackBerry camera to zoom in more, so it looks like we were farther away than we were. The seats we had would have cost over $200 each at a regular concert!

For a group that's been playing since 1972, Van Halen is still just so fantastic! I actually think they may be better musically now that they're living less of the "rock star" kind of live. David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen are in phenomenal shape (one was in leather pants, the other shirtless - my friend Leslie was thrilled!), and David can still get those high-kicking split jumps going! Eddie's 16 year old son is touring with them playing the bass. From his stage presence he seems shy, but wow! what a talent that kid has! And I can only imagine how amazing it must be for him and his dad to be touring together, and sharing this passion.

This is Leslie being thrilled. *grin*

The drummer (Alex Van Halen, Eddie's elder brother) did a 15 minute drum solo that I thought was going to be the highlight of the night. Then David told a story and sang while playing an acoustic guitar, and I thought that was going to be the highlight. THEN, Eddie did a 20 minute lead guitar solo that, well, as Leslie said "I didn't know it was possible to make that many different sounds with one instrument!" It was awesome, in the proper sense of the word. They saved "Jump" for the encore, and pretty much everyone in the stadium (14000 people) were on their feet for it.

It was definitely better than any Christmas party could ever be!

I made this!

2007-11-15T07:54:00.001-05:00

This is what I did with my night last night instead of painting my sewing room or cleaning the house. It's a gift for a friend's birthday.

I think I need to get one of those jewelery store busts for showing off this kind of stuff.

Tiny Green Eyes

2007-11-14T09:04:00.000-05:00

People are turning up pregnant all over the place! I know three people who are due in June, and it's all very exciting, and I have a giant list of things I want to knit. I am so happy for these friends (although very sorry that they are dealing with being sick) and I can't wait to see/meet the new people they are creating.

That said, when I found out last night that ex-best friend is trying to get pregnant, I got a little jealous. It was only a flash, only for a moment, but there it was. It probably had more to do with the "who" than the "what", and I recognize that.

We want to have a child (maybe more if we can manage the first one ok and don't misplace it or something), but we know that we need to get a better handle on things like money and cleaning the house regularly before we embark on the whole adding-a-person-to-the-household thing. Plus, with the five animals in the house, I'm not sure where we'd put a baby right now; it's already a little crowded. So we're being responsible, and grown-up, and trying to make the right decisions.

But, dammit! I want babies too!

Wellington Fibres

2007-10-30T12:53:00.000-04:00

Here are the photos from the trip to Wellington Fibres.

These are the breeding herd goats.

This is a boy goat, who is waiting to be sold to another farm.

This is fleece that has been dyed, and it waiting to be washed.

This is washed fleece, hung up to dry.

Picked fleece (that's the step after drying; it takes out all the extra bits of stuff) going into a carder.

And coming out the back end of the carder.

These are the roving cakes that are make by the carder, waiting to be fed into the spinning machine.

This is the spinning machine.

This is a skein of spun yarn.

And this is the store!

I don't have photos yet of the lovely yarn...Mom spoiled me with enough for a sweater, and I got two colours of merino/mohair blend that will make Fred and I each a pair of socks.

The cake was wonderful - both to eat and to look at. Fred did a fantastic job! But I forgot to take a photo, sorry.

A weekend in the country

2007-10-26T14:34:00.000-04:00

Ok, so, really only a morning in the country, but I couldn't pass up the chance to hum a little Sondheim.

Anyway!

Tomorrow morning I am accompanying my mother, some of her guild members and some of the London Handweavers and Spinners guild to a goat farm! Wellington Fibres is about a 30 minute drive from home. They raise angora sheep, which produce mohair. Mmmm...mohair. I'm taking a camera with me. And some cash. But the debit card stays at home.

While I am out playing with goats, Fred will be at home baking this cake. We're going to a pot-luck Hallowe'en dinner party tomorrow night, and he decided while flipping through my Martha Stewart catalogue, that this would be our contribution, and that he would be making it.

I should be home from the goat farm by about two, just in case.

Day by Day

2007-10-13T15:57:00.000-04:00

We did not have to make a trip to the vet today! Roo is doing much better: she's eating and drinking and not vomiting! She's kept everything down for 36 hours, now we're waiting to see when/if she'll have a bowel movement. Let me tell you, I never thought I would look forward to picking up dog poop.

Her balance is still off, and she falls over when she shakes her head or tries to chase a cat - but at least she's back to wanting to chase cats.

Thanks everyone for your good thoughts and wishes.

It doesn't look good

2007-10-10T20:19:00.001-04:00

This is Roo. Up until last Thursday she was pretty darn healthy for a senior puppy. Sadly, although the head tilt is going away, she's still vomiting. On the vet's advice we've tried switching her hard food for soft, tried not giving her the anti-biotics, tried giving her Gatorade. She'll eat or drink a little and then at some point later on it all comes back up again. We were hopeful yesterday - she went for almost 24 hours without bringing anything back up again, but today... let's just say we're going through paper towels at an accelerated rate. The vet says that if the vestibular disorder diagnosis was the correct one, we would have seen a marked improvement within 3 days so it is likely something else. We'll wait to see how she is on Friday, but if there is no improvement, we will probably have to say good bye to Roo this Saturday.

The good, the not-so-good, and the downright crappy - updated!

2007-10-05T09:28:00.000-04:00

It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

The good: the new job is exciting and only a half-hour drive from home, compared to the roughly two hours each was I was travelling. I miss my friends from the last job, but that's about it. As a going away gift, the company gave me a round-the-world tea package. Once a month for the next 6 months, I will get two fancy teas in the mail. Usually people who quit there get a "Don't let the door hit you on the way out" kind of good-bye, so the gift was quite a pleasant surprise. I got spoiled for my birthday this year too, with knitting books and yarn and more tea and an evening with Fred (he works the afternoon shift, so we don't see each other during the week usually), and I went to meet some internet knitters and eat gelato last night.

The not-so-good: Last Sunday we brought Fred's 14 year old husky/shepherd cross home to live with us. We expected that the cats would be unhappy with the change, but the level of unhappiness was far worse than we expected. Like, Zoe climbing the blinds in the kitchen then making Fred bleed really badly when he tried to get her down, then her racing across the top of the kitchen counter trailing urine (the cat's) and blood (Fred's) after her. The cats have pretty much lived in our bedroom since Sunday night, although they will go out into the hallway for food and to use the litter. We had to put a baby gate at the bottom of the stairs so that the cats live on one floor of the house, and Roo lives on the other.

The downright crappy: When I got home from knitting in public last night, Roo was sick. At first I thought it was just because she had gotten ahold of and chewed up a bunch of kleenex. So I cleaned up the carpet, gave her a drink and took her out to pee. Then she threw up again. All the water she'd just drunk. This went on all night, with her only being able to keep water down for about 5 minutes, and not wanting to eat anything. She didn't even want any peanut butter. Fred is on his way to the vet with her. We're both thinking kidney failure, and Fred said that while the vet didn't want to diagnose over the phone, he felt from her tone of voice that she agrees with us. So after a traumatic 5 days with the cats, it's about to get a whole lot more traumatic.

Edited to add: Apparently we get the slightly broken animals. Roo has the same thing that Zoe does - vestibular disorder. This is something that manifests in young cats and old dogs. I'm very happy that Roo's illness is not the worst-case scenario, but boy, it would be nice to have an animal at some point that isn't dizzy or limping or running away from dust.

Forever and a day...is how long it's taken me to get this posted.

2007-09-21T10:31:00.000-04:00

Before the ceremony

Exchanging vows

Official kiss

Ring photo

Us with my girls

Fred getting in trouble (so it's all back to normal pretty quickly!)

In other very, very exciting news, I will be starting a new job October 1 that is only a 30 minute drive from home! Woo!

eta: Thanks to Allison, Jess and Callie for photo help!

It's like s*x, but better!

2007-08-16T14:28:00.001-04:00

Ok, maybe not quite that good.

Still, loving Buffy and Dr. Who this just gave me a big fangirl squee, and considerably lightened up my Thursday afternoon.

Women Deliver

2007-08-15T12:37:00.000-04:00

How badly do I want to go to this?

Women Deliver

So, so badly.

Sadly, People In Ties Inc. doesn't have a GL code for "feminist interest, and helping the women of the world".

They do have one for golf though. Hm. I wonder if I could make that work.

Circlet!

2007-07-20T08:58:00.000-04:00

The last piece of jewelery is made!

Circlet front

Side

Back

Other side

Tonight I'll start sewing the dress together.

Two weeks! Woohoo!

I'm in Ravelry!

2007-07-16T13:49:00.000-04:00

If you're not a knitter, or a friend/family member of a knitter, feel free to scroll down at look at my pretty wedding dress fabric.

*looks around*

*hyperventilates*

I got my invite to Ravelry!

I was all set to go quit my job so that I could stay home and knit/play on the knitting internet full time, then I realized that if I do that, there will never be any cash-ola to buy stuff to knit with, and they'd cut off my internet access.

Poop.

Whee!!!

2007-07-15T08:51:00.000-04:00

The underskirt is mostly done.

Next, I move on the the overdress.

The necklace and earrings are made.

And I have my shoes.

I still need to make a thingy for my head (circlet won, but I'm still figuring out how to make one).

I am still waiting to hear back from the minister.

That's about it! Nineteen days. Woo!

Checklist

2007-07-05T16:43:00.000-04:00

Done

~ Marriage License obtained
~ space for ceremony/Minister of Ceremonies booked
~ my ring (inherited from my paternal grandmother, via my mother - yes, I know that's an odd way of doing things)
~ Fred's outfit (he's wearing a suit and whatever shirt/tie he feels like putting on that day)
~ restaurant reservation (although I'll be confirming it again a little closer to the date. The girl (and yes, I mean girl, not woman) seemed a little distracted and giggly when I called, and thought I said five, not twenty-five)
~ asked friend to take photos
~ guest list finalized (of course, with only 25 people invited, that was pretty quick)
~ asked my mom and Fred's oldest friend (who just happens to be here from Texas at the time!) to be our witnesses

Still to do

~ get Fred's ring
~ get fabric for my dress, figure out what I'm putting on my head (I can't decide between a beaded snood, or a beaded circlet), make dress/jewelery/head thing
~ make and send invites that need mailing, hand out the rest, make map to go in invitations
~ talk to Minister of Ceremonies about the ceremony to find out how it all works, and if we can have music
~ if we can have music, find some (we have ideas, but nothing concrete)
~ figure out what I'm missing and do that

Less than 30 days people! Woo!

Official Announcement

2007-06-20T12:01:00.000-04:00

The date: Friday August 3rd

The time: 1:00 pm

The place: Evergreen Seniors Centre, Guelph

The thing: We're gettin' hitched!

The dress. The one on the left, with the underskirt. Which won't have the fabric bought for it until less than a month before the wedding. Yipes!

Woohoo!

There are wonderful people in this world.

2007-05-23T18:46:00.000-04:00

Today someone did something wonderful for me. Ok, technically she did it a while ago, but I'm only just finding out about it today.

I got home from work to find a bright turquiose squishy envelope in with my mail. I looked at the return address and thought "who do I know who lives there?" Then I opened it and found this:

This is Socks That Rock sock yarn from Blue Moon Fiber Arts. It is hand-painted. It is something I have wanted to try since I discovered sock knitting, but have only admired from afar until now, since we keep having to do things like spend rent money on sick kitties.

A woman named Johanna I know a little from the ren fest I used to work at, who is the sister to a close friend of mine and who once helped me try to find a job got me yarn. She got me wonderful, happy-making, beautiful, hand-painted sock yarn in a colourway called Puck's Mischief.

All I can say to her is thank you.

Zoe is much better and says thank you too, for making my day so much brighter.

Well, now. That's not shocking at all.

2007-05-23T12:51:00.000-04:00

You're The Mists of Avalon!

by Marion Zimmer Bradley

You're obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend
to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was "The Sword in
the Stone". But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you've focused on
women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet
Jackie Kennedy.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I re-read this book about once every two years. It's a favourite, and got me interested in the Arthurian legends in the first place.

Update. Without photos.

2007-04-20T14:52:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to update. I've been wanting to post photos. I just can't seem to be awake in my house long enough to find the camera, take the photos and sit down at the damn computer.

So, photoless, I update.

Zoe is doing much better. So much better in fact that a pie plate (with pie still on it!) was knocked off the top of the refrigerator. I also come home every day to the taped-up cupboard where the garbage lives wide open. Sometimes with garbage on the floor. And the daily struggle for dominance between Sabre and Zoe is back up to normal levels. We've got another week of anti-biotics, and two more doses of Prednisone, and another follow-up visit to the vet on Tuesday. There was one recurrence of Zoe having a dizzy spell, after (while chasing Sabre) she bonked her head on the bottom of the coffee table, but it passed quickly and didn't keep them from moving on to I Am The Boss, No I Am The Boss, Round 478. Dorky cats.

I finished (and wore) my first pair of non-vanilla socks. For those unfamiliar with the term, that means they are the first socks I've done with a pattern on the leg and top of the foot. They're Roza's Socks by Grumperina from the latest Interweave Knits. I'm now on incarnation 4 of a pair I am designing myself, using Debbie Bliss Cashmerino in some light orange colour. I am also using up the ends of my first four pairs of socks by knitting in stripes. It's fun! They're gonna be a butt-ugly combo of blue/brown, red with multi-coloured flecks, purple/blue, and olive-drab green.

A couple of weeks ago I said good bye to Shadoe, my husky dog. We got him as a puppy when I was in Grade 12. That means that he was somewhere in the neighbourhood of 17 years old, a fantastic age for a dog. When I went off to University he stayed with my parents. When I finished University, I moved to Toronto to live in a succession of apartments, which is no way for a big dog who loves to run to live. So he stayed with my Mom, and moved with her to the farm when she and her partner bought one. He was very, very happy there, and I think that (along with the fact that my mom and step-dad take very good care of their animals) is why he lived to a venerable age. They had him put to sleep because even though his he had arthritis and was deaf, and probably mostly senile, and they kept hoping he'd just go in his sleep, his heart was very strong. So we finally all said good bye to him. It was hard, but he was getting to the point where his pain wasn't manageable anymore, so it was time, maybe past-time. I'm very happy that my mom and step-dad took such good care of him, I think much better than I would have been able to. So thank you to them, and thank you to Shadoe for being such a lovely boy.

Yesterday I spent the day at The Church of the Holy Trinity with about 100 other witches doing meditation/trancework/storytelling with Starhawk! It was a wonderful, if tiring day. There were epiphanies had, and laughter with my friends, then a spiral dance and a good dinner. It was really nice to see that there is a community of people out there who think/believe in a similar way to me.

This weekend is going to be busy. Grocery shopping then ritual tonight, band rehearsal, then a going away party tomorrow, then on Sunday I will attempt to cram two week's* worth of laundry, weeding of my garden, other assorted housework and a visit from Mom into one day.

So there probably still won't be any photos. :)

*Somebody please tell me whether the apostrophe here is wrong. Please!

Send more tuna! aka My Cat is on Prednisone

2007-04-03T11:19:00.000-04:00

Zoe has something called a vestibular disorder. Basically, her head is tilted to the left side, and she's walking funny.

On Sunday she tried to jump up onto the kitchen counter but missed (missing is fairly normal, we don't have the most gracefull of cats in this household). I think on the way down she bashed her head. When she landed she started to do this thing that looked like she was trying to swim across the linoleum. We kept an eye on this behaviour, and talked to a friend who works in the vetrinary industry, and kept keeping an eye on things. Around midnight Zoe started yowling and looking for somewhere to hide, so we called the emerg vet clinic, packed up the cat and booted it to Cambridge.

The original diagnosis was bilateral vestibular disorder, which means the peripherhal vision in both eyes was affected. It's a neurological condition that can be brought on by anything from polyps in the ear canal to trauma to a stroke. Zoe spent the night at the emerg vet, then we picked her up at 7:30 am and tried to get a bit of sleep before going to our regular vet in the afternoon. The emerg vet had suggested trying to get Zoe in to see a neurologist, but by the time we got to see our own vet, the condition had improved enough that it's only affecting the left side of Zoe's head now and our vet felt that a $4000 MRI probably wouldn't tell us anything really pertinent. Whew!

So now I have added duties to the cat herding roster. In addition to needing to give Sabre a bit of aspirin every other day so that we don't have a repeat of the leg incident from last summer, Zoe gets two antibiotic pills a day, and one Prednisone pill a day.

Send tuna (for Zoe), send Bailey's (for me).

Early Morning

2007-03-23T06:51:00.000-04:00

Riding the escalator up into the glass atrium after getting my morning coffee
I can see the first beginnings of the sunrise,
A backdrop for the brightly lit crane, already moving,
Building the next tall thing to bring more shade to the city.

At my desk there is a beauty in the silence;
No people, just the sound of the air intake system
And the hum of the flourescent lights
(Most of which haven't been turned on yet).

6:45 am is too damn early to be at the office.